7 Things I Learned On The Interweb This Week

Alright, it’s been crazy for the last couple of weeks and because of that craziness, I didn’t learn a damn thing until this week. And what an educational week it was! Hell, I’m still learning shit from the interweb as we speak.

However, if you’re one of the three or four people who’ve been returning to see what awesomeness I learned from the interweb, you’re gonna’ be disappointed. I mean, I think it’s pretty good, but when I showed it to the dog the fucker bit me (maybe I should take Bill D up on his offer). That could be taken as a sign of things to come. At any rate, as I said, I think it’s pretty good but be prepared to be disappointed.

1. I think Bagel said it best: Drugs are awesome! I think that pretty much sums it up. I got nothing.

2. Louisianna has finally found a way to make all their lazy wildlife earn their keep.

3. Some people don’t understand antique canine cinema. After seeing this excellent dog film on Best Week Ever, it made me realize people today don’t understand the “innocent” nature and low brow nature of early talky watchers. In the Best Week Ever write-up, the author was clearly concerned with Queenie having been raped. In early cinema, the woman’s, er in this case bitch’s, virtue was never compromised unless it was a vehicle to explain why she was now a prostitute. This is actually a very common theme in early canine cinema. Now, some people are upset at the fact a black dog was attempting to have his way with Queenie and she was saved by a mutt, white dog and that it somehow speaks to the racist nature of early dog film. Actually, this has nothing to do with race and more to do with the “good guys wear white, bad guys wear black dichotomy” we see prevalent in Westerns and in the search industry. Something else people think is that this film is a social commentary on the state of American living and the need for prohibition. Again, this couldn’t be further from the truth. The truth is people love to watch dogs doing crazy shit, like drinking liquor and fist fighting. This is the reason “Dogs Playing Poker” is the most recognized piece of art after the Mona Lisa.

4. Looking for some 12-year-old tail? Head to Mexico! I love how they have the lowest age of consent in not only the Americas, but it looks like it’s the lowest age in the Northern hemisphere. And I didn’t ask Syzlak how he found this.

5. People are assholes. And some people are horrible with anaologies. Seriously – this is like teenagers throwing a cat in a bag and throwing it over a clothesline? First of all, that’s a lame prank. Second, is the talking about hanging the bag from a clothesline? ‘Cuz if so, if it was a sunny day, a cat might think that was a helluva’ nice thing (remember, cats, like me, are lazy). I fail to see why that’s cruel. Now if they’re throwing the bag over a clothesline and letting hit the ground, what kind of fucked up game is that? Volleyball with a cat in a bag? Now that’s mean, but I fail to see why that would even be considered a prank or a game. Again, worst analogy ever.

6. I have a hard time deciding which is creepier – babies’ heads enlarged and attached to adult bodies or mens’ heads shrunk down and attached to baby bodies? Either way, I have Rebecca to thank for this conundrum.

7. Shoemoney and Calacanass will always be able to rile up the industry. And predictably, the industry will respond with links and rants. Me, on the other hand, will only be able to rile up one crazy person on the Sphinn. And I needed help to do that. And it only inspired one crazy rant.

So there you have it. I really hope you didn’t think since I skipped the last two weeks I was gonna’ give you 21 Things I Learned On The Interweb in the Last Three Weeks. Seriously, that was probably punishment enough for you, wasn’t it?

3 Responses to “7 Things I Learned On The Interweb This Week”

  1. Syzlak Says:

    #3 = brilliant

  2. Bill D Says:

    I seriously haven’t decided if Rebecca should be lauded or shunned for bringing us that madness. And the answer to your conundrum is a paradox: Baby-heads on man-bodies is much creepier than man-heads on baby-bodies as man-heads on baby-bodies is creepier than baby-heads on man-bodies. It’s an eternal upward spiral of creepiness.

  3. The Bagel of Everything Says:

    Drugs are awesome, and invisible cars get great mileage.

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