Alright, it’s been a while since the first Final Countdown Throwdown, and since I got nothing today I thought this would be the perfect opportunity for another installment of FCT. Last time, as you recall (and if you don’t you better get your ass to that post), the pale-faced, screechy boys from Norther had their asses handed to them by some random guys in matching black t-shirts at some random county fair. How did Norther lose, you ask? Because no one else voted and I decided SRGIBT’s were the ultimate of awesome. Plus, this blog is a dictatorship (and, perhaps dicktatorship) and I liked them better anyways.
In this installment, we have Children of Bodom (what or where the hell is Bodom?) versus the Squarepants Funtime Band. First up, COB:
Okay, now that’s pretty fucking awesome. It’s got the fucking hot ass licks of speed metal plus the screechy vocals combined with a galloping beat we’ve come to expect from death/speed metal covers of the Final Countdown. The interesting thing is on the YouTube there’s all sorts of debate over whether or not this is really Children of Bodom or if it’s Norther or some other band. Personally, I could give a shit. I don’t know who any of these bands are anyways if they didn’t have covers of the Final Countdown! God, I want to go out and destroy shit and build a rocket. And the fucking solo – fuck yeah. FUCK YEAH! That’s how you get it the fuck on! And the fucking double pedaling on the bass drum? Shit, I have to go change my pants.
Okay, after that well of awesomeness, next up is the Squarepants Funtime Band:
I have to admit, this is a very tame and true to the original version of Final Countdown. While initially I was all for the “let’s go burn down some libraries and fuck shit up” version by COB (or whichever band it is), what you have to give the Spongebob Funtime Band is they brought all the pomp and majesty of glam rock while amping it up for the arena. Costumes – excellent idea. I know the whole high school marching band thing has been done to death, but so has 80’s hair metal. It’s kitschy and cool all at the same time. Might I dare say, oh yes, this is fucking punk rock (used as an adjective, not musical genre). And if you doubt how hard this rocks, just check out the looks on the faces of the crowd. Lucky bastards. The only thing that would be luckier for them is if the arena collapsed and killed them all so they wouldn’t have to face the disappointment of nothing being as fucking awesome as the rock spectacle the Squarepants Funtime Band honored them with.
This is gonna’ be a tough call for me. While I love the “make-you-want-to-punch-your-boss-in-the-face” sound of COB’s version of Final Countdown, I appreciate and admire the audacity of the Squarepants Funtime Band. This your chance to pick a winner! And I don’t mean from your nose!