Either I’m getting lazy or there’s nothing new on the interweb. It’s getting hard to learn a damn thing! I mean, I search and I read and I don’t learn anything. That, or this whole “job thing” is totally getting in the way of me doing seriously important work. I mean hell, usually I have at least three or four things by Friday but this week I only had two. Two! What the hell? Anyways, prepare yourself for the mediocrity . . . here’s what I learned this week.
2. The boomers are gonna’ be tough to kill. Seriously – a nail to the head? That’s fucking hardkore. More hardkore – using a friggin’ claw hammer to remove the nail. But when you think about it, it makes total sense.
3. OMG – people on the internet are assholes! And sexist! Unless you know them. Then it’s cool. But if you don’t know them, then they’re obviously sexist motherfuckers who deserve to be castigated then castrated. Seriously though, after deciding a site is sexist and then taking the time to write on another social site about how abusive it is to you, my vote is don’t find some “woman-friendly social site” that basically talks about make-up, Sex and the City and fashion. Oh hell no. If Lifetime movies have taught me anything, you pick up a gun and kill the abusive fucker. Is there anything the TV can’t teach us?
4. I’ll be writing-in Donald Duck for President again this fall. Some day, Donald, some day!
6. Despite month’s of having to suffer through Jack Black mugging for the camera in kung-fu inspired poses and generally making an annoying ass out of himself, Kung Fu Panda was released just last weekend. Holy shit. I’m already sick of this fucking movie and it’s only been out a week. I swear to god if I see another trailer for what appears to be a crap-fest, I’m going to napalm a bamboo forest out of spite. Jack, buddy, put down the bong and quit making a whore of yourself. You’re one lousy costume away from Jim Carrey land.
7. Nothing sez “Honest Car Salesman” like greasy, slicked-back hair accompanied by an open butterfly color shirt to show off a gold chain and a cigarette dangling from the lip. Guido say what?
Alright, so pretty mediocre (I did warn you, so you can’t get too pissed off at me). Oh well. That shouldn’t surprise you. And if it does, you can’t be pissed at me for being schmuck.
Oh, and did I mention I’m back at the top for poop porn in the Google? That’s right! Number two, bitches! Wurd! Heheheh, number two for poop porn . . . that still cracks me up. Number two . . . heheheh. Being immature is awesome.