Archive for the ‘rants’ Category

Twelpforce? Best Buy, You Really DO Want Me To Hate You.

July 29, 2009

I was just sitting here on my ass, halfway watching the TV and contemplating on whether or not to switch to a gin and tonic, a maitai or stick with the beer when I saw some young gal standing in front of a stadium of blue clad people.  Always intrigued by cults, I paid attention.  And then she asked about cell phones and then cult was yelling at her about having plans and then something about the future . . .  and then I saw they were running their fucking Twitter page – calling it Twelpforce.

For fuck’s sake.

Few things make me want to climb a clock tower and start picking off people wearing blue polo shirts than the insistence of people on the Twitter cutesying the fucking vernacular up by adding fucking “tw” to every noun, verb, pronoun, adjective and adverb.  Yes, part of that last sentence would have read ” . . . tweeple on the Twitter twutesying the twucking twernacular .  . .”.    Pretty fucking annoying, huh?

But nothing takes the cake like a bunch of assholes from some corporate office (I’m looking at you, Best Buy!) jumping in on the act.  I can just see their fucking boardroom now:

Biff:  Hey, this Twitter thing seems popular with the youngsters! How do we take advantage of this?

Sven:  Well, Biff, we’re getting ready for a new push on our cell phone plans.  And people on Twitter, or, catch this – Tweeple! – will follow anything! Especially if it’s on television!  We can advertise our cell phone plans on TV, talk about us “helping” them with other home tech questions, and get these cwazy Tweeple to follow it and have an avenue for annoying the holy piss out of them only the way a mindless, bandwagon jumping corporation can!  And to give it the air of being useful, and getting us some “tweet cred” with the tweeples, we could call it “Twelpforce”! Get it? Twelpforce instead of Help Force?  Because it’s on Twitter!

Biff:  Great idea! Let’s get our best “tweeple”, heheheh, on it!  I’ll start getting our creative team on the television ad!

Sven:  Biff, don’t you mean “twelevision”?  Get it? Twelevision!

Biff:   Oh, Sven! You card!

And then these two assholes go off to the strip club to sniff a little cocaine and get lapdances, which somehow ends up with them in a hotel room together and some very embarrassing photos making it back to their wives.  But I digress.  Nothing makes a company look like a gigantic jackass than taking a ham-handed approach to appealing to a core audience of a specific outlet.  Sure, it makes sense for them to get Geek Squad involved in this and developing their core brand a little further.  And yeah, I can see how seeing other companies do a good job of utilizing the Twitter for building their brand and reaching out to their customer base would appeal to a company like Best Buy, especially if  you consider Best Buy has a spotty customer service reputation at best.  And it certainly makes sense that a gadget retailer would try to reach out to early adopters, though, to do that they should have been on the Twitter two years ago.

Jumping in now, with a fucking “cute” name just smacks of douchebaggery.  While I’m sure they’ll get plenty of people following them, which will make them the perfect fodder for other Best Buy marketing messages, I have a feeling this isn’t going to have the desired effect they intended.  It just seems like it’s too little, too late, too obnoxiously.  But what the hell do I know?  They already have over 4,000 followers.

Perez Hilton Got Andy Dick’d

June 24, 2009

So, here’s the thing. We all know people on the interweb are assholes. It’s just the way it is. Fuck it or fight it, at the end of the day, this little barrier of silica and wire and a bunch of other shit I really don’t understand makes it so the assholes will remain, well, assholish. It’s the way it is. That’s why a monkey will fling shit at you when you go to the zoo. Monkeys are naturally assholes, and putting them in a cage makes them act like bigger assholes. Put a barrier in the mix, and well, you got shit all over your new shirt and junior is going to have seek counseling. It’s sixth grade science, really.  But this isn’t about monkeys flinging shit, er, well, I guess it kind of is. Anyways, this is about what happens when you fling shit and that magical barrier is gone.

Now, I admit, while I’m jealous of Perez Hilton’s anhiliating anhialating annhialating kicking the holy shit out of me for the worst blog of all time, but that has nothing to do with this.  Hell, I didn’t even know who the fuck will.i.am is or was until Syzlak explained it to me, and even then I was still friggin’ lost.  Apparently, he got the president elected or something with either MySpace or the YouTube, though if it were the Hulu that’d totally make sense since I’m boycotting them because I hate their fucking ads so much.  I mean, c’mon – some kid in ad school win a contest or something?  Those ads actually make me violent.  Violent enough that if Perez Hilton had been talking shit about Syzlak or Ms. Rebecca Kelley or Comrade Melanie, I would have Lovitzed his ass too.

Which is the point of this.  Did he deserve to get his punk ass whooped?  That’s up for debate.  I mean, he did start acting like a dick to will.i.am, in real life, and somebody jumped in.  But, kicking the shit out of people is against the law, regardless of how much of a prick they’re being to you.  The real lesson here is if you’re gonna’ act like an asshole on the internet, someday somebody may want to kick the shit out of you.  And when you go out into the real world and act like an asshole, no one gives a shit that Miley Cyrus is your amiga (really?  That’s not the punchline to a joke?  Hey – lookit that! A pun!) and you will likely get the shit beat out of you.  And it will take an hour for the police to arrive.  And people will snigger at the picture of you crying.  Or at least I probably will.

The Thing About Bing

June 4, 2009

Pretty clever title, eh?  It has a nice cadence and it rhymes!  Lookit’ that!  Really, that’s a pretty awesome title.  Okay, maybe not so much.  But anyways . . . .

So, Microsoft comes out with a new search engine and it seems at first everybody panned it and now some people are saying, “you know, this isn’t such a turd after all.”  But here’s the thing.  This could be the best search engine in the world.  It could be that “Google-slayer” that people have been yammering about for the last seven or eight years.  Yeah, it could be the best fucking thing in the world.   Doesn’t matter.  Much like Lenny petting a rabbit, Microsoft will totally fuck Bing up.  Hell, you could even say they already fucked it up with that dumb-ass name.  Really?  Bing?  That’s the best they could come up with.  What are they gonna’ name their mobile version – BinGo?  And that’s why this thing is friggin’ DOA.  It’s got a stupid ass name.  And yeah, I realize it’s all Beta-y and junk, but they really should have updated their fucking index for it before spinning this thing live.  Or, screw 301s and take up their SERP space.

Didn’t they just launch “Live” last year?  I’m just sayin’, rolling out a new search engine every other month looks like a desperate plea to show you’re relevant.  So, I guess if you don’t like Bing, just wait a year and the big brains at Microsoft will roll out another craptastic search engine and we’ll get to see the Ballmer-boogie again.

That Motherfucker Ain’t Me!!!

May 27, 2009

Alright, so it looks like it’s time to clear the air a little.

So, here’s how it went down.  MilwaukeeSEO (despite the fact I’ve drank a bit of Beast Ice, I still can’t spell fucking Milwaukee to save my ass) wrote a post on April 21st about how maybe we’re all getting dumber thanks to all this social media bullshit or something, and then on May 7th I, posing as “Your Neighbor”, made a pretty asshole comment back to Mr. MilwaukeeSEO.

Yeah, I’m an asshole and have left asshole comments before.  But that wasn’t me.  Not even fucking close.  I saw that @milwaukeeseo mentioned me on the Twitter in a  twat and ran to the post all excited and junk because I’d been mentioned.  Yes, my depressed, unemployed ass still feeds off any scrap of attention I can get from this thing like a junkie rat licking syringes in the methadone clinic’s dumpster.  The fucking interweb will do that to you.  But anyways, this isn’t about how pathetic I am, but more about how much of an asshole I wasn’t being on May 7th.  I digress.

Anyways, that motherfucker isn’t me.  And to make my point, here’s 7 Tell-Tale Signs That Fucking Bastard “Your Neighbor” Isn’t SEO Hack:

1. I totally would have used “SEO Hack” and not “Your Neighbor” in the hopes that the link would have been not nofollowed (look – I used a double negative!).  And yeah, now I know it’s nofollowed, but honestly, I would have been too friggin’ lazy to check that out when commenting.

2.  “Your a pathetic little dick . . . ” would have been “You’re a pathetic little dick . . .”.  Yeah, I’m lazy, but I know when to fucking use “you’re” and “your”.  We learned that shit in the third grade.

3.  The phrases “pathetic little dick”, “you’ll cower”, “spineless worm”, “you little shit” and “bitch” are totally words a dominatrix would use.  I’m more of a bottom, believe it or not.

4.  The word “fucking” is only used once.  We all know I prefer to use the word “fuck” and it’s variations as an adjective as well as an adverb, a verb, a noun and part of a noun.

5.  I don’t know what time that comment was left, but chances are if it was in the evening I was watching “The Fashion Show”, which is fucking horrible.  I mean, c’mon Bravo!!! Weinstein fucks all you all over and the best you can do is find a bunch of fucking egomaniacs with horrible design sense and the personalities of shit sandwiches that can’t fucking sew?!?!?  Really?  That’s going to make me forget about Tim and Heidi?  That one fucker who made that horrible rain coat last season that got booted off right off the bat is better than those hacks!  Except for James Paul.  That poor bastard should have been on Project Runway.  I bet he’s ESL and thought he was on Project Runway until he saw Isaac and Ms. Rowland (and Kelly may be the only bright spot on this turd).  And don’t get me started on this bullshit maneuver that got Project Runway moved to Lifetime.  Hurray, it’s not all man-killer movies anymore.  But that still doesn’t mean Project Runway is a good fit (and I’m still pissed at them for swapping Will & Grace for the Golden Girls after Frasier).

6.  Someone who runs an amateur hour blog wouldn’t dare call another blog “amateur hour”.  Something about rocks and glass houses and junk.  Plus, since my life now revolved around tricking the unemployment office into giving me checks, who am I to tell someone to get a life?  I might be an asshole, but I know my place!

7.  The fucking post is 100% spot on and even a dumb motherfucker like me can see that.  And if you read my AWESOME body of work, I think it’s safe to say that it’s pretty easy to see that.

Now, it’s easy to see why someone would want to pretend to be someone as awesome as me.  But at the same time, if you’re gonna’ make me look like a fucking asshole, at least have the goddammed courtesy to do it right.

Thanks.

Fuck Subaru Heaven.

May 18, 2009

When you watch a lot of the TV (as I do these days), you also get the priviledge of watching a lot of shitty ads too.  Lately, one of the worst has to be for fucking Subaru.

Perhaps you’ve seen this one.  You have some fucking hipster douchebag doing the voice over about how he and some other dude named Doug or something drove for two days to get to “Subaru Heaven”.  Turns out, Subaru heaven isn’t something awesome like a rally car event or some sort of gonzo drift-fest, which would have been awesome.  Oh hell no.  Turns out, Subaru Heaven is a bunch of abandoned Subaru Brats and shit under some oak tree on some fucking hill.

So, if you’re following this, you have some asshole parking a perfectly fine, running Subaru Forester under a fucking tree, giving it a sappy look and then driving off in another Forester.  As they drive off you then get some bullshit line about the fucking car living on “one part at a time”.

Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!

Okay, if the fucking car drives, why the hell is this guy parking it under a fucking tree?  Why not give it to Goodwill or St. Vinnie’s or go on friggin’ craigslist and see if there are any single moms out there that need a good set of wheels?  And then, I’m guessing this fucker is all into recycling and shit, which is why he parks the car under a tree.  In the middle of a fucking forest.  Where it can leak oil, radiator fluid and tranny fluid into the ground water and kill all the fucking salmon.  I know, I know.  He wants it to live on “one part at a time”.  I got news for you.  There are already places where cars live on one part at a time.  They’re called scrap yards, asshole.  You can go there, and, believe it or not, buy junked Subaru parts “one part at a time”! I know, it’s fucking crazy.  Who knew right?

Whoever came up with this concept should be slapped.  Whichever art director passed this should be bitch-slapped.  And the dumb shit who okayed this at Subaru to be shown on the TV?  I don’t know.  Something bad.  Okay, I got nothing.  I got distracted halfway writing this fucking paragraph by a Playtex ad.  I mean, there’s boobs!  What?  Where are we now?  Okay, time to hit the publish button.

ps – turns out, I’m not the only one who thinks that Subaru Heaven is a load of shit.

Jennifer Linnuste Is Someone Who Works Somewhere, I Think

March 19, 2009

Alright, so all you all still remember that Jason Gambert fool who was going register “SEO” as a patent or trademark or something?  And then all he did was piss everyone off by making fake comments in blogs that called him on his shit?  And then we sent seven ways of crazy and decided he was going to be his own lawyer ala Sideshow Bob?  Yeah, that fucker.  This has nothing to do with him.  But if you look in the comments of my (should have been) Pulitzer nominated article (a term I’m using incredibly loosely here), then you’d see the latest controversy brewing: who exactly does Jennifer Linnuste work for?

No offense to Ms. Linnuste, but I don’t know who she is.  I can only assume she is incredibly attactive and very intelligent, as are all my readers.  What can I say?  If beautiful, intelligent people are moths, then I am their flame.  Though, I hope that doesn’t mean they start reading this and end up screaming and looking like a burn victic (no offense to burn victims).  Anyways, all I’m trying to say is that I’m awesome, and therefore since I am awesome, my readers must be some of the most intelligent, and extemely sexy people in the world.  I am not saying that I will light smart and beautiful people on fire.  That’s just bad business, especially if someday I plan on kidnapping all of these smart and beautiful people and starting my own high class prostitute empire.

Anyways, so it turns out, Jennifer Linnuste hopped on the Jason Gambert thread and left another interesting tidbit about everyone’s favorite jackass, Jason Gambert.  Turns out he takes credit for shit he doesn’t do.  Which isn’t a surprise since he more or less took credit for creating the term “SEO” and “search engine optimization”.  But as I said earlier, this has less to do with who Jason Gambert is (a jackass) and more to do with who Jennifer Linnuste is (apparently hot and smart).  Anyways, a few days later someone came back and said Ms. Linnuste had been shitcanned from getupdated.com, to which Jennifer replied, “Nuh uh.”

So, based on the comments and as little effort as possible, here are the conclusions I’ve drawn:

– Jennifer Linnuste is a super-hot lady with lots of brains since she reads this blog, or at least did once.

– Jennifer Linnuste is Swedish, which, if television has told me correctly, proves my “she’s hot!” theory.

– Don’t piss off Swedes or they’ll do something, like leave a comment on a blog about you being a liar and not having a job.

– Jennifer Linnuste probably still works for getupdated.com, regardless of what the fake Mike Pedone says.

– Mike Pedone may or may not work for getupdated.com, as does some random dude named Clinton (who isn’t Clinton Kelley from What Not To Wear).  And this guy Clinton claims to have invented the word “SEO”.  And he may or may not be able to dispense fashion advise (I’m leaning towards not).

– I apparently don’t have a life on Friday nights and stay home, getting drunk watching TLC.

– Jason Gambert is still a jackass.

So there you have it – the next big search marketing “controversy” that threatens to pit SEO vs SEO and cause a giant rift in the industry.  Or not.  Man, I have to go pee.

I’ve Seen The Enemy – He’s A Jackass

December 22, 2008

So, I think I’m done being mopey and shit for a while, which means I’m pissed. Not pissed in the British sense, but in the American sense where I’ll get pissed in the British sense and then go on a alcohol and gasoline fueled rampage because I’m pissed in the American sense. Mmmm, nothing like the taste of gin on the tongue and the smell of 82 octane on the nose. But anyways, yeah, I actually got on the interweb and read and junk (turns out panhandling at Starbucks is GREAT. The people have more money than they do at the library and you can get wi-fi. Who the hell panhandles at the library? Dumb people, that’s who.  Poor people go to the library. Rich people buy books, poor people borrow them. Though at the library you can look at as much totally fucked up porn and they won’t toss you out. Try that in front of the Starbucks, they aren’t so cool with it. BUT, you will get called “Sir”).

What was it I read? You might be thinking it’s something about Dougie Heil and everyone all happy and shit that he went SES or that he’s calling black hats white hats or whatever. Surprisingly, that only annoyed me. I mean, c’mon people. Who gives a fuck what Doug Heil thinks?!??! Motherfucker sold out and spoke on a panel he’s at a conference he’s always dogged. I’m sure he spun it somehow to make it look like a victory for him, but he’s not as big a punk as the people that embraced him and are looking to him for validation. You want my opinion – more people should have taken the Rae Hoffman approach to that shit. But anyways, that isn’t what really pissed me off.

What really pissed me off was a Vannessa Fox article about some punk ass ragging on the industry (yes, I realize I’m way fucking behind if I just read this). Sure, we all know who the number one hater is and honestly, it seems like she’s just trying to get back at some guy for a failed romance. And we’re all aware of the pluses and minuses of this shit and we all wring our little hands about it and shit. Whatever. But what pissed me off was his response to Vanessa’s thoughtful and well-written post (yes, I remember throwing my fanboydom to Rebecca Kelley, but I just can’t quit her! Besides, this guy comes off as a bully and a dick).

Okay, first off, dude, if she gave your show a plug, the worst thing to do is to throw it back in her face. She said she had fun on that shit. I was thinking of trying to get the rabbit ears to tune that shit in until I read your fucking comment and remembered reading it was your fucking show she was going on.

Next, making it so a friggin’ search engine can comprehend what your shit-ass site about is evil? Who the hell is this guy pissed at – SEO or Google? From what I understand, Google is trying to make SEO unnecessary. SEOs on the other hand are trying to make Google work in their favor. And this makes them in cahoots or whatever the hell it is this guy is going on and on about? Umm, if this guy is some sort of cranky tech journalist, motherfucker needs to learn to research or something. And maybe it’s more obvious what he’s all worked up about in his articles, but frankly, I didn’t read them (I’m lazy and that’s when the Starbucks assholes got the police involved in the whole panhandling/looking at porn thing).

Third – he’s pissed about Google’s “non-repeatable searches” and then pissed that their shit is getting gamed? For reals? To me, that’d say they’re working at getting the most relevant searches for a query at a given time and working against it getting gamed. I mean, shit, I don’t want to see the same fucking results for a search I did six years ago. And if the results were shitty, I sure as hell don’t want to see them an hour later. And from what I understand, this guy thinks their results are shitty anyways because they chock full of parked pages or something (which, doesn’t that mean they’re not changing if you keep seeing these pages?).

Fourth – was it really necessary to be a dick to Ms. Fox? Yeah, I’m hung up on that. She gives a nice, measured response to his criticisms and he’s a dick to her. Fuck that. Don’t get pissed at her because Google is shitty.

Fifth – using Bush one-liners from Katrina is sooooo 2007. C’mon, Dvorak, you’re smarter than that.

Sixth – well, there isn’t a sixth. I mean, sure, he apparently bags on the industry, but like I said, that shit ain’t new. And even some of the shit he hates is old news. YAWN.

So anyways, I have a new addition to the enemies list. John Dvorak, you’re dead to me. Though, to be honest, until I read Vanessa’s post, I didn’t even know you existed, and it looks like we might have some common ground, and I’ll probably pawn the company machine in a week or two and not even be on the interweb, so it’s not it’s a major loss. Besides, you could probably give two shits about this hell hole awesome blog anyways.

Anyways, so yeah.  I’m not a big fan of this guy right now.

7 Things I Learned On The Interweb This Week

October 17, 2008

Man, what a fucked week. And from what I understand, it’s been that way all around. It’s tough all over, and it’s getting tougher every day. What’s the remedy? Fuck if I know. If I knew I’d be in a good fucking mood and sell that shit to all you alls so then you’d be in a good mood. But I don’t. So if you came here looking for kitten kisses and rainbows and unicorn hugs, I’ve got bad news for you. A unicorn will stab your eye out for shits and giggles, that rainbow is from a junked 351 Cleveland that leaked into a fucking puddle at the Walmart and that cat licks its ass. Ain’t nothing good in life.

So, on that happy note, how about the seven things I learned on the interweb this week?

1. Marijuana is a piss poor substitute for legal tender.

2. Perhaps a jury of one’s peers isn’t such a keen idea afterall.

3. Slate has breaking news: fail is a new buzzword! Buzzword FAIL, Slate. I mean, for chrissakes, you people are just now getting hep to that? You all get a time machine to six months ago or something? What the fuck? Welcome to October, 2008, jackasses.

4. You can’t trust cat people. Thievin’ motherfuckers ranking for my crappy post and not even a fucking clean link. What the hell?

5. It sucks to be Joe the Plumber. With friends like McCain and the media, who the hell needs enemies?

6. Colin Farrell is a greasy motherfucker that’s afraid of tall men. Or something. I don’t know. I just wish the motherfucker would take a bath. I mean, that’s a nice suit, and he’s made it all greasy and shit. Perhaps that’s what John Voight is telling him? Okay, I yield. I got nothing. The previous was just me being jealous of Mr. Farrell because he can not bathe for weeks on end and still get frenched by old men and told he’s sexy by old women and if I do the same I get told to burn my clothes and to leave the restaurant because I’m making the other patrons nauseous.

7. Apparently RipoffReport.com founder Bill Magedson did not invent the internet. But he’s still a crazy, handicapped parking spot stealing quasi-legit dick, in my opinion. And apparently my time machine goes back further than the Slate’s does. He’s also reason numero uno on why you should never trust a hippie.

Wow. So I really sucked it up this week. Oh well, let’s go get drunk and shoot some road signs, shall we?  Oh, and great big fat congrats to my positive role model on his engagement to Singer Girl Jen.  Saaaaaaaaalute!  May your children be as awesome as I am.  Well done.

It’s Cat Shit Coffee

October 9, 2008

Alright, so there’s always those people that are putting the nastiest shit in their mouths.  Sometimes they have shows on the TV, sometimes they’re just those kind of people.  I’m sure you know some of them.  They’re the kind of people that will say, “Hey, Hack, you have to try this coffee.  It’s like $1,576.89 a pound but it’s so worth it.  It has a nice, nutty flavor.” And then right before you put the cuppa up to your lips they’re all, “Yeah, it’s hard to come by in the States.  It comes from Indonesia  – the coffee berries are picked from the droppings of a rare cat!” And then you’re all, “What the fuck? You’re feeding me cat shit coffee?  You’re an asshole!  And you’re foolish with money!” And then they’re all, “No, I didn’t brew cat poop, I brewed the berries gingerly plucked from the cat shit, er, feline droppings! Once you get passed the fact the coffee berries fermented in a jungle cat’s intestines, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it!” And you’re all, “No, DUDE, if it came from the cat’s asshole, I’m pretty sure it qualifies as cat shit.  Therefore, you’ve brewed a nice steaming cup of cat shit coffee.  If it comes from a cat’s ass, it’s cat shit.  This is cat shit coffee.” And they’re all, “You need to get beyond where the coffee berry came from, man!  Try it!”

This pretty much sums up my opinion of those fucking Windows Mojave commercials.  Microsoft is trying to soft sell cat shit coffee.

See, in those ads, they always try to make the person who hates Vista look like a chump because they like Mojave but hate Vista.  If only that person would change their frame of reference, they’d see that (after being made to look like a fucking jackass) Vista really is a good thing!  These poor, uneducated saps just need to get over their hatred of Vista to know that it’s a superior product!  They need to realize they’re not drinking cat poop, but instead enjoying coffee.  It’s simple, really!

Bullshit.  Of course Microsoft Vista is going to perform like a champ in the hands of a fucking Microsoft employee.  Those sons of bitches know how to use the goddammed thing!  SUHHHHHPRIIIIIIIISE!  Of course it looks great and works perfectly*!  I hate Office 2007.  It’s fucking slow.  And I have to re-educate myself on how to use Word.  WORD.  My fucking Outlook In-box takes a fucking fortnight to load.  And sure, maybe it’d do better if it were on Vista and not XP.  But if I have to learn how to use Word again, what the fuck makes them think I want to learn fucking Windows, er, sorry, VISTA?

I shouldn’t have to change my frame of reference to see how “genius” fucking Vista is.  You people, who can fuck up a wet dream, should build a operating system that WE want to use.  It should be obvious to me how great it is.  Because, in the end, no matter how you try to trick me into drinking it, it’s still fucking cat shit coffee.  And it might be great.  It might be the best shit ever.  But calling me a prejudiced dumb shit isn’t going to get me to sip your cat poop from your cup.

* I have read more than one story where someone was showing off either their latest computer or doing a demonstration and Vista totally fucked up and made these people look like fucking assheads.  And yes, one of these people worked for Microsoft.

Why Bother?

October 7, 2008

So, if you read my last two posts where I openly admitted that they were pretty much a waste of bandwidth because I was more or less ranting against two lame-ass attempts to drive traffic to two sites that have probably been abandoned by now or the owners are either stuck on the toilet with bombastic diarrhea or (fingers crossed) sharing a small cell with a large man for some vile pics found on the hard drive of their computer.  “What gives, Hack, you lazy asshole?  You take a fucking month off and then come back and write two lame-ass rants against some fucking comment spammers?  What the fuck?” you ask.  Well, I’ll tell you.

Believe it or not, though I’m a lazy bastard with little will to do a damn thing right, when I see such laziness and half-assedness, it drives me fucking crazy.   I mean, look at those two link drops!  Look at ’em!  Did the fucker(s) even have a plan when they woke up that morning?  They did a pretty fuck job of it.  If I were gonna’ fucking comment spam some shithole blog, such as this one, I’d at least fucking make it look like my fucking links were a part of the goddammed conversation.  At least, maybe, the fucking blog owner might either let it go under the radar or have a good sense of humor about the fucking thing and let it slide.  But oh hell no.  The motherfuckers didn’t even do that.  The lazy assholes (I’m assuming plural, but if I know if were to make an effort I’d at find they were the same douchebag) just dropped a fucking URL and scrammed.  He (or they) put more effort into picking out a fucking username than those fucking link drops.

So here’s the deal.  If  you’re gonna’ be a comment-spamming asshole, at least do it right.  Put a little copy around your fucking link, and don’t just use the fucking URL.  A little copy might put into context or disguise it.  But in the end, unless you’re hoping my five most loyal readers will just follow your fucking link and go to your shit-ass site, you’re wasting your time.  I haven’t bothered getting rid of the auto-nofollow bit in the comments.

In conclusion, blah blah blah, go fuck yourself.