SMX West 2010: 7 Questions For Steve Ballmer

So, there I was screwing around on the Twitter, instead doing shit I should be doing like looking for a job or blogging at this little shit hole of mine when I saw Mr. Wall had re-twatted something the Danny had twatted about asking Microsoft Overlord and Dance Dance Revolution Champion Steve Ballmer some questions and junk (holy shit, that was a long sentence. Is it even grammatically kosher?).  Of course, I had some questions for Ballmer.   I started twatting them when I realized it was a huge pain in the ass and perhaps I ought to quit being a lazy asshole and actually make a blog post about it or something.

After a nap and a slice of three day old Dominoes (pizza is made to sit out for three days, right?), and then a couple of ice-cold PBRs (thanks to the last remains of the snow drift I left them in around Christmas time), I decided to get busy.  I know these are questions I’m dying to hear Steve Ballmer answer, and I have a feeling you do too!

1. Where did you learn to dance?  Julliard?

2.  With all the software updates for Windows and the usually negative impact they have on computers running Windows, is it fair to say you’re working hand in glove with Steve Jobs to make people want to buy a Mac?

3.  Do you think you could take your buddy Bill Gates in a fight?  Cuz I totally think you could.  Even without the drugs, I think you’d beat him like a, umm, well, something that beats something very badly.  Not badly like beating him poorly, but you know, like making him look like he got hit by the pain train to Hurtsville with you wearing the conductor’s hat (oh, so know I think of something!).

4. Seriously, Bing?

5.  Is Microsoft’s business model of forcing loyal customers and businesses at knife point to buy the latest version of Windows and other bits of Microsoft software or run the risk of them not being able to use said software and OS with newer versions sustainable?

6.  Will Rachel and Ross ever figure out how to be in love?  I mean, it’s so obvious!

7.  I keep hearing how superior Bing’s image search is compared to Google’s.  Did you have it developed to make it easier for you to search granny porn?  It’s okay if you did, I’m not judging.

Well, that’s all I have.  Mr. Ballmer, if you would like to give me the answers to any of those questions, I’d totally love to hear your thoughts.  And dear reader (cuz I think at this point I only have one . . . ) if you’d like to ask your question here, that’d be fucking rad!