No, not that day. You know, the one where you decide to get your shit together and become a decent person? Oh hell no. Today is not that day.
Today is the day the officially marks the phone call I received from Company X where they said, “Hey, the economy is in the shitter, so we getting rid of your sorry ass. Have a Merry Christmas.” I wonder if they canned me then and not after the holiday so they wouldn’t have to buy me a present.
But it gets better than that.
When I was signing my “shitcanned papers”, part of them said that I couldn’t talk shit about them until after a year had gone by. So, patiently, I’ve waited. I’ve watched their missteps and hamhanded handling of certain situations and, instead of gloating, kept my mouth shut. It was part of the agreement, and though I may be an asshole, I’m an honorable asshole. And besides, they did a pretty good job of mucking it up.
So, how am I going to celebrate this momentous occasion?
The same way I did when I got laid off. By getting drunk.
Have a good day, all you all.