When you watch a lot of the TV (as I do these days), you also get the priviledge of watching a lot of shitty ads too. Lately, one of the worst has to be for fucking Subaru.
Perhaps you’ve seen this one. You have some fucking hipster douchebag doing the voice over about how he and some other dude named Doug or something drove for two days to get to “Subaru Heaven”. Turns out, Subaru heaven isn’t something awesome like a rally car event or some sort of gonzo drift-fest, which would have been awesome. Oh hell no. Turns out, Subaru Heaven is a bunch of abandoned Subaru Brats and shit under some oak tree on some fucking hill.
So, if you’re following this, you have some asshole parking a perfectly fine, running Subaru Forester under a fucking tree, giving it a sappy look and then driving off in another Forester. As they drive off you then get some bullshit line about the fucking car living on “one part at a time”.
Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!
Okay, if the fucking car drives, why the hell is this guy parking it under a fucking tree? Why not give it to Goodwill or St. Vinnie’s or go on friggin’ craigslist and see if there are any single moms out there that need a good set of wheels? And then, I’m guessing this fucker is all into recycling and shit, which is why he parks the car under a tree. In the middle of a fucking forest. Where it can leak oil, radiator fluid and tranny fluid into the ground water and kill all the fucking salmon. I know, I know. He wants it to live on “one part at a time”. I got news for you. There are already places where cars live on one part at a time. They’re called scrap yards, asshole. You can go there, and, believe it or not, buy junked Subaru parts “one part at a time”! I know, it’s fucking crazy. Who knew right?
Whoever came up with this concept should be slapped. Whichever art director passed this should be bitch-slapped. And the dumb shit who okayed this at Subaru to be shown on the TV? I don’t know. Something bad. Okay, I got nothing. I got distracted halfway writing this fucking paragraph by a Playtex ad. I mean, there’s boobs! What? Where are we now? Okay, time to hit the publish button.
ps – turns out, I’m not the only one who thinks that Subaru Heaven is a load of shit.