7 Things I Learned On The Interweb This Week

Holy shit.  My password actually friggin’ worked.  Who knew?  It’s like you know when you’re sitting there on the shitter, reading MAD, doing your thing and all of sudden you remember the fucking quadratic equation that you forgot and because of it flunked your advanced algebra class back in high school?  I imagine it’s something like that.

So, anyways, since the password worked and TV has been boring (yes, even Wife Swap can get old on the fifth go round on the entire fucking series), I thought, hey, I think I’ll start spending more time on teh interwebz.  You can cut my unemployment benefits, but you’ll never be able to cut my thirst for freaky-ass internet porn, Mr. Government Man!  Anyways, as such, I gleaned some shit on my travails.  And as always, if anyone happens to accidentally stumble across this, you’re gonna’ be really fucking irritated at this.  I mean, seriously.  It’s been what, six months?  Oh, whatever.  Let’s get this over with.

1.  I may not actually be the most annoying fucker in social media.  Who knew, right?  Though, I guess you have to be social to be a part of social media and spending my time watching the ladies of Wife Swap annoy the holy fuck out of the families they try to take over and licking Cheeto dust off my fingers isn’t being social.  But hey, score one for the Hack!

2.  Some families are waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more fucked up than mine.   Thank god my mom didn’t knit.

3.  Apparently, in some sort of bizarro world, there’s a list of the sexiest minds in new media that magically does not have Comrade Melanie or Ms. Rebecca Kelly on it.  Yeah, I know!

4.  It’s a miracle Australia isn’t going broke.   C’mon, Australia, it’s fucking FROG.

5.  Only the Japanese know how to make a woman’s biological clock sexy.  That, or I have some sort of deep seated fetish I am totally unaware of.

6.  A REAL man (not so chick who became a quasi-dude who then became a part chick) gave birth! Yes, follow that link and you’re going to be as totally fucking underwhelmed as I was.  Damn you, FOX news!

7.  Criss Angel is not only a total fucking douchebag, he’s also a total fucking asshole. Give the guy his fucking cat back.

That wasn’t so bad.