Alright, so this is really like the 7 Things I Learned On The Interweb Last Week and This Week. But fuck it. I’ve been a busy bastard! Okay, maybe busy is a little misleading. But I’ve had shit to do. And then there was a long weekend, and as we all know, three day weekends usually start on Thursday because Friday is usually a fuck-around day and then the following Tuesday, you’re still hungover so it’s not even really like that day counts either. Of course, I’m talking about back when I had a job and stupid shit like showing up to work actually mattered. And now I wonder why the hell no one will hire my broke-ass. Anyways, so here’s the junk I learned, with all the usual warnings about being disappointed and junk.
1. The only thing worse than her stealing a few lines from some blogger is Maureen Dowd’s abuse of makeup. Yikes! You could almost float a quarter in that shit! How’d you like to wake up next to that? Anways, there’s something to be said about growing old gracefully. And yes, I realize this looks like a sexist double standard, but the other night I was watching CNBC or something and a guy, yes, an older DUDE, had the same damn problem. Only, I can’t find a picture of that guy so I’m going to pick on the plagiarist. What I find more interesting than her clown school face painting job is how quickly this went away. Maureen, you steal my shit and I swear to god it won’t go away that quickly. Just warning you.
3. Ms. Rebecca Kelley’s three year blogging anniversary was last week and I totally forgot to get her anything! What kind of creepy interweb stalker forgets an important anniversary like that?
4. I’m not the only who thinks Ms. Piggy has it going on. You know, if having sex with puppets wasn’t creepy and junk.
5. Americans and Mexicans aren’t the only ones seeing Jesus in crazy shit. Welcome to the club, United Kingdom! Thanks, Mr. Davies, for bringing this to our attention.
6. There are now three things in life that you can count on – death, taxes and Microsoft totally sucking at the interweb. I don’t even know where to start. But they should smother their marketing team. Bing – really? Really? All that money and they came up with “Bing”? Frankly, it’s quite amazing they haven’t totally made the X-box fucktarded . . . yet. And they have such big brains up there!
So there it is.