I’ve Seen The Enemy – He’s A Jackass

So, I think I’m done being mopey and shit for a while, which means I’m pissed. Not pissed in the British sense, but in the American sense where I’ll get pissed in the British sense and then go on a alcohol and gasoline fueled rampage because I’m pissed in the American sense. Mmmm, nothing like the taste of gin on the tongue and the smell of 82 octane on the nose. But anyways, yeah, I actually got on the interweb and read and junk (turns out panhandling at Starbucks is GREAT. The people have more money than they do at the library and you can get wi-fi. Who the hell panhandles at the library? Dumb people, that’s who.  Poor people go to the library. Rich people buy books, poor people borrow them. Though at the library you can look at as much totally fucked up porn and they won’t toss you out. Try that in front of the Starbucks, they aren’t so cool with it. BUT, you will get called “Sir”).

What was it I read? You might be thinking it’s something about Dougie Heil and everyone all happy and shit that he went SES or that he’s calling black hats white hats or whatever. Surprisingly, that only annoyed me. I mean, c’mon people. Who gives a fuck what Doug Heil thinks?!??! Motherfucker sold out and spoke on a panel he’s at a conference he’s always dogged. I’m sure he spun it somehow to make it look like a victory for him, but he’s not as big a punk as the people that embraced him and are looking to him for validation. You want my opinion – more people should have taken the Rae Hoffman approach to that shit. But anyways, that isn’t what really pissed me off.

What really pissed me off was a Vannessa Fox article about some punk ass ragging on the industry (yes, I realize I’m way fucking behind if I just read this). Sure, we all know who the number one hater is and honestly, it seems like she’s just trying to get back at some guy for a failed romance. And we’re all aware of the pluses and minuses of this shit and we all wring our little hands about it and shit. Whatever. But what pissed me off was his response to Vanessa’s thoughtful and well-written post (yes, I remember throwing my fanboydom to Rebecca Kelley, but I just can’t quit her! Besides, this guy comes off as a bully and a dick).

Okay, first off, dude, if she gave your show a plug, the worst thing to do is to throw it back in her face. She said she had fun on that shit. I was thinking of trying to get the rabbit ears to tune that shit in until I read your fucking comment and remembered reading it was your fucking show she was going on.

Next, making it so a friggin’ search engine can comprehend what your shit-ass site about is evil? Who the hell is this guy pissed at – SEO or Google? From what I understand, Google is trying to make SEO unnecessary. SEOs on the other hand are trying to make Google work in their favor. And this makes them in cahoots or whatever the hell it is this guy is going on and on about? Umm, if this guy is some sort of cranky tech journalist, motherfucker needs to learn to research or something. And maybe it’s more obvious what he’s all worked up about in his articles, but frankly, I didn’t read them (I’m lazy and that’s when the Starbucks assholes got the police involved in the whole panhandling/looking at porn thing).

Third – he’s pissed about Google’s “non-repeatable searches” and then pissed that their shit is getting gamed? For reals? To me, that’d say they’re working at getting the most relevant searches for a query at a given time and working against it getting gamed. I mean, shit, I don’t want to see the same fucking results for a search I did six years ago. And if the results were shitty, I sure as hell don’t want to see them an hour later. And from what I understand, this guy thinks their results are shitty anyways because they chock full of parked pages or something (which, doesn’t that mean they’re not changing if you keep seeing these pages?).

Fourth – was it really necessary to be a dick to Ms. Fox? Yeah, I’m hung up on that. She gives a nice, measured response to his criticisms and he’s a dick to her. Fuck that. Don’t get pissed at her because Google is shitty.

Fifth – using Bush one-liners from Katrina is sooooo 2007. C’mon, Dvorak, you’re smarter than that.

Sixth – well, there isn’t a sixth. I mean, sure, he apparently bags on the industry, but like I said, that shit ain’t new. And even some of the shit he hates is old news. YAWN.

So anyways, I have a new addition to the enemies list. John Dvorak, you’re dead to me. Though, to be honest, until I read Vanessa’s post, I didn’t even know you existed, and it looks like we might have some common ground, and I’ll probably pawn the company machine in a week or two and not even be on the interweb, so it’s not it’s a major loss. Besides, you could probably give two shits about this hell hole awesome blog anyways.

Anyways, so yeah.  I’m not a big fan of this guy right now.

3 Responses to “I’ve Seen The Enemy – He’s A Jackass”

  1. Vanessa Fox Says:

    I don’t think it was actually John who left the comment. I think it was one of his fans just posting it under his name. Which is weird.

  2. seohack Says:

    dammit. so now i have to rewrite this thing. that is reeeeeaaaally fucking weird.


  3. seoz87 Says:

    hahah you got a fuckin merry christmas dude. Yeah when some one can comment on vanessa’s ( there are lot of sss’es..wtf..did i just said.. ) blog useing that dick name, why not some one can comment on your blog using vanessa’s (there are.. ok enough) but hey who cares 😛
    anyway man I like your blog..yeah fuckin blog. ..count me in as a faithful reader …I really like to learn some seo from you..but fuck you probably gonna charged for me for that so fuck you.
    And for that guy only 6 words..and some question marks
    Have you heard about attention whores ????

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