Before getting into this post, I recommend hitting play on the YouTube thingy so there’s some music to go with this post. After all, I did declare it official song of the search industry, and I think it’s fitting for this post. Thanks.
So, I guess this it. I’m a bit surprised, though I guess it was inevitable. I thought all this would have went down in a fire of lawsuits and accusations with a hail of f-bombs. But we’ve had some good times, right? Right? I mean, there was that one time that, er, well, so I don’t have a highlights reel. Maybe there weren’t so many good times. I know I’m still proud of my commentary on black and white dog films of yore. But anyways.
I don’t know if there are any rumors or any speculation out there; I sincerely doubt there is. I mean, there’s only like five people who read this thing, and I know for fact all five of you have better shit to do than wonder what I’m doing or have been doing or may be doing. I’d love to tell you I’ve been raising a militia to go and take over Alberta and Texas by force and that’s why I’m leaving, but it’d be a lie. Er, actually, that’s what I’m doing. I’m invading Alberta and Texas. Has nothing to do with the compromising of my deniability and it sucking the joy out of doing this because at my core I’m a paranoid motherfucker. Nor does it have anything to do with the economy, which is GREAT for SEO (or so I’m about to find out!). At any rate, I might not be around much, as, you know, I’m trying to gather arms and personnel or something. Alberta is great for oil and wheat, but Texas has access to the ocean and Mexico. Anyways, just think about that.
Though I’m out there, fighting Mounties and Texas Rangers to the death, do know this. I still hate that emo-magic boy Criss Angel. I still think Cameron Diaz is a man. The Worst SEO Blog Ever!’s top keyword referrer is “poop porn”. I’m glad John Lovitz put the hurt on Andy Dick. And I hope to visit a Waffle House again someday.
To my loyal comrades, thank you for your support and to my loyal readers, thanks for all the times you stopped by. I really don’t know what to say to you all except thank you and I’ll miss you (assuming things take a turn for the worse). And if the above doesn’t make much sense, I urge you to watch the following video (only to the 4:37 mark, unless you totally get off on watching credits, which is pretty fucked up).
If that was just confusing, I hope the following makes more sense and puts everything into perspective.
Thanks. And I hope to see you all around soon.
PS – Don’t mix sleeping pills and gin. People think you’re all “suicidey” and junk. Then you get to spend a lot of time having people watching you. Think goodbye nose picking and masterbating. It’s like thinking the ghosts of your ancestors are watching you, except for the fact they’re not ghosts and you can tell they’re judging you.
PSS – Interventions are not nearly as fun as they appear on TV. They’re like the worst party ever. Especially when there’s nothing to intervene on. I’m pretty sure my friends are just assholes.