Archive for December, 2008

Saravut Is Not A Scraper Spammer, Just A Jerk

December 30, 2008

So, a while back, like a long while back, a bunch of my junk got jacked and “repurposed” on some shitty scraper site.  Naturally, being a loud-mouthed asshole, I made sure all four or five of my readers knew about it.

Several months later, in the comments of that awesome post, I see that the fella’ I called out on it finally responded.  Not only did he respond, he kindly (kindly as in calling me a “fuck up”) asked me to take down my post, if I am “manly” enough.

I can admit when I’m wrong.  And apparently, the research I did that pointed at our friend Saravut was wrong.  He wasn’t the scraper; he was just hosting the scraped content.  So, Saravut, I apologize for that post and calling you a scraping, spamming asshole who didn’t link back to my crappy post that was jacked in the first place.  Saravut is just a host, and not a bad guy.

Now that that’s out of the way, might I offer a suggestion.  When someone thinks you’ve fucked them over when you haven’t, it’s generally not a good idea to tell them you don’t care that their content has been “ripped” and that they’re a “ripper too” and a “fuck up”.   I mean, seriously, was that really a good way to get me to build empathy and want to take that post down?  Hell no.  And then to comment three minutes later to the remember to read your other comment?  Seriously?  Dare me and call into question my manhood all you like, but we all know that by doing as you ask then means that I’m a chicken shit and afraid of you and are doing whatever you tell me to.  That, by default, is not manly.

So, I’ve apologized to you, Saravut.  I’m sorry you had a crappy client that was stealing other peoples’ shit and I apologize for saying shit about you when I thought you were scraping my content.  For all I know, you’re a wonderful host and a pillar of integrity.  And I understand your comments were probably done in the same anger that caused me to do that post in the first place.  It sucks to have someone blame you for shit you didn’t do.  I’ll meet you halfway – I’ll link from that post to that post.  But I’m not taking the fucking thing down.  Those comments came across as bullying and being a jerk.  If you’re not a bully or a jerk in real life, I apologize for that as well.

And if you all need a Thai server and a good host, give Saravut a call. I think his email or his service is in one of the comments. =)

I’ve Seen The Enemy – He’s A Jackass

December 22, 2008

So, I think I’m done being mopey and shit for a while, which means I’m pissed. Not pissed in the British sense, but in the American sense where I’ll get pissed in the British sense and then go on a alcohol and gasoline fueled rampage because I’m pissed in the American sense. Mmmm, nothing like the taste of gin on the tongue and the smell of 82 octane on the nose. But anyways, yeah, I actually got on the interweb and read and junk (turns out panhandling at Starbucks is GREAT. The people have more money than they do at the library and you can get wi-fi. Who the hell panhandles at the library? Dumb people, that’s who.  Poor people go to the library. Rich people buy books, poor people borrow them. Though at the library you can look at as much totally fucked up porn and they won’t toss you out. Try that in front of the Starbucks, they aren’t so cool with it. BUT, you will get called “Sir”).

What was it I read? You might be thinking it’s something about Dougie Heil and everyone all happy and shit that he went SES or that he’s calling black hats white hats or whatever. Surprisingly, that only annoyed me. I mean, c’mon people. Who gives a fuck what Doug Heil thinks?!??! Motherfucker sold out and spoke on a panel he’s at a conference he’s always dogged. I’m sure he spun it somehow to make it look like a victory for him, but he’s not as big a punk as the people that embraced him and are looking to him for validation. You want my opinion – more people should have taken the Rae Hoffman approach to that shit. But anyways, that isn’t what really pissed me off.

What really pissed me off was a Vannessa Fox article about some punk ass ragging on the industry (yes, I realize I’m way fucking behind if I just read this). Sure, we all know who the number one hater is and honestly, it seems like she’s just trying to get back at some guy for a failed romance. And we’re all aware of the pluses and minuses of this shit and we all wring our little hands about it and shit. Whatever. But what pissed me off was his response to Vanessa’s thoughtful and well-written post (yes, I remember throwing my fanboydom to Rebecca Kelley, but I just can’t quit her! Besides, this guy comes off as a bully and a dick).

Okay, first off, dude, if she gave your show a plug, the worst thing to do is to throw it back in her face. She said she had fun on that shit. I was thinking of trying to get the rabbit ears to tune that shit in until I read your fucking comment and remembered reading it was your fucking show she was going on.

Next, making it so a friggin’ search engine can comprehend what your shit-ass site about is evil? Who the hell is this guy pissed at – SEO or Google? From what I understand, Google is trying to make SEO unnecessary. SEOs on the other hand are trying to make Google work in their favor. And this makes them in cahoots or whatever the hell it is this guy is going on and on about? Umm, if this guy is some sort of cranky tech journalist, motherfucker needs to learn to research or something. And maybe it’s more obvious what he’s all worked up about in his articles, but frankly, I didn’t read them (I’m lazy and that’s when the Starbucks assholes got the police involved in the whole panhandling/looking at porn thing).

Third – he’s pissed about Google’s “non-repeatable searches” and then pissed that their shit is getting gamed? For reals? To me, that’d say they’re working at getting the most relevant searches for a query at a given time and working against it getting gamed. I mean, shit, I don’t want to see the same fucking results for a search I did six years ago. And if the results were shitty, I sure as hell don’t want to see them an hour later. And from what I understand, this guy thinks their results are shitty anyways because they chock full of parked pages or something (which, doesn’t that mean they’re not changing if you keep seeing these pages?).

Fourth – was it really necessary to be a dick to Ms. Fox? Yeah, I’m hung up on that. She gives a nice, measured response to his criticisms and he’s a dick to her. Fuck that. Don’t get pissed at her because Google is shitty.

Fifth – using Bush one-liners from Katrina is sooooo 2007. C’mon, Dvorak, you’re smarter than that.

Sixth – well, there isn’t a sixth. I mean, sure, he apparently bags on the industry, but like I said, that shit ain’t new. And even some of the shit he hates is old news. YAWN.

So anyways, I have a new addition to the enemies list. John Dvorak, you’re dead to me. Though, to be honest, until I read Vanessa’s post, I didn’t even know you existed, and it looks like we might have some common ground, and I’ll probably pawn the company machine in a week or two and not even be on the interweb, so it’s not it’s a major loss. Besides, you could probably give two shits about this hell hole awesome blog anyways.

Anyways, so yeah.  I’m not a big fan of this guy right now.

SEO Hack Gets Canned. Vanessa Fox Eats a Salad. Life Goes On.

December 3, 2008

Before getting into this post, I recommend hitting play on the YouTube thingy so there’s some music to go with this post. After all, I did declare it official song of the search industry, and I think it’s fitting for this post. Thanks.

So, I guess this it. I’m a bit surprised, though I guess it was inevitable. I thought all this would have went down in a fire of lawsuits and accusations with a hail of f-bombs. But we’ve had some good times, right? Right? I mean, there was that one time that, er, well, so I don’t have a highlights reel. Maybe there weren’t so many good times. I know I’m still proud of my commentary on black and white dog films of yore. But anyways.

I don’t know if there are any rumors or any speculation out there; I sincerely doubt there is. I mean, there’s only like five people who read this thing, and I know for fact all five of you have better shit to do than wonder what I’m doing or have been doing or may be doing. I’d love to tell you I’ve been raising a militia to go and take over Alberta and Texas by force and that’s why I’m leaving, but it’d be a lie. Er, actually, that’s what I’m doing. I’m invading Alberta and Texas. Has nothing to do with the compromising of my deniability and it sucking the joy out of doing this because at my core I’m a paranoid motherfucker. Nor does it have anything to do with the economy, which is GREAT for SEO (or so I’m about to find out!). At any rate, I might not be around much, as, you know, I’m trying to gather arms and personnel or something.  Alberta is great for oil and wheat, but Texas has access to the ocean and Mexico.  Anyways, just think about that.

Though I’m out there, fighting Mounties and Texas Rangers to the death, do know this. I still hate that emo-magic boy Criss Angel. I still think Cameron Diaz is a man. The Worst SEO Blog Ever!’s top keyword referrer is “poop porn”. I’m glad John Lovitz put the hurt on Andy Dick. And I hope to visit a Waffle House again someday.

To my loyal comrades, thank you for your support and to my loyal readers, thanks for all the times you stopped by. I really don’t know what to say to you all except thank you and I’ll miss you (assuming things take a turn for the worse). And if the above doesn’t make much sense, I urge you to watch the following video (only to the 4:37 mark, unless you totally get off on watching credits, which is pretty fucked up).

If that was just confusing, I hope the following makes more sense and puts everything into perspective.

Thanks. And I hope to see you all around soon.

PS – Don’t mix sleeping pills and gin. People think you’re all “suicidey” and junk. Then you get to spend a lot of time having people watching you. Think goodbye nose picking and masterbating. It’s like thinking the ghosts of your ancestors are watching you, except for the fact they’re not ghosts and you can tell they’re judging you.

PSS – Interventions are not nearly as fun as they appear on TV. They’re like the worst party ever. Especially when there’s nothing to intervene on. I’m pretty sure my friends are just assholes.