Archive for October 10th, 2008

7 Things I Learned On The Interweb This Week

October 10, 2008

Alright, while fucking the Streko was playing rockstar this week and riding around in rickshaws with Lisa Barone on his lap and being famous and shit, some of us had to fucking work. Am I whining? Yes. I’m fucking jealous. I wanted ride around in a man-powered cart in the Streko’s lap. And I’m totally secure in my masculinity to admit as much.

I was gonna’ go on and on about my week, but I’ve bored you enough already. Here’s some shit I learned this week. As it turns out, little of it has to do with search engine optimahmization (sorry, Syzlak).

1. Some people like smilies and emoticons way too fucking much. And it’s ‘stache! Not tache! what the fuck is a tache?!?!? This isn’t like everyone changing the meaning of FTW and me not getting the memo, is it?

2. When trapped on a boat, “youngsters” turn into little old ladies, though there’s no word on if they also become chain smokers. Good news to those of you desperately clinging to your youth and afraid of turning 30 – even at 25 you’re apparently still a youngster! And even better news for people who are fans of the word youngster – people still use that word in the new millenium! Hurray! It’s a win for everybody, really.

3. Good news – the severe downturn in the economy is encouraging more high-quality, high-end prostitutes! Bad news – nobody can now afford these higher quality prossies and are stuck with worn-out, crank-addicted streetwalkers of yore. And yes, I just used the word yore.

4. There’s a sure-fire way to fuck up your babies and give them a kafka complex. I have to thank the Bloggess for this one.

5. There’s one compelling argument that will keep me from shoplifting forever.

6. Some people don’t need an economic downturn to fuck up their home values. I keep wondering at which point this person decided this was a really, really, really bad idea? At 80 cats? 70? When the neighbors started pointing her out to her children, saying, “Smell that woman right there? That one that smells like cat piss? She’s a crazy cat lady. If you don’t eat vegetables and finish high school and go to college you’ll become a crazy, smelly cat lady too”?

7. It’s the end of an era. Now I have no excuse to do my Cookie Parade march. Yes, I march for cookies. But not just any cookies – Cookie Parade cookies. Don’t ask what I’ll do for beer or gin.  Hat tip to this classy lady for the bad news.

So, anyways, yeah, a pretty worthless fucking week. Hope you have a good weekend and junk.