Pikachu Porn – Really?

Alright, all you all know by know poop porn is the only fucking keyword phrase I get any traffic for.  Don’t ask me why, but for some reason people who love them some poop porn can’t read descriptions worth a fuck and click on this shit hole thinking they’re gonna’ get them some, er, well, some number two action.  Incidentally, it amuses me to no end when I rank second for “poop porn” in the Google, cuz, well, you know.  It’s number two!  The deuce!

But lately, there’s been a new trend, which is far more disturbing.  It’s people who are searching for “pikachu porn“.  The fact that I rank for it doesn’t bother except for A) I can’t make any money off of it and 2) what kind of sick fuck is looking for pornography featuring a yellow, squirrel/cat-like thing?

I get hentai and cartoon porno, I really do.  I mean, essentially, it’s still some human-like creature, though animated, getting down and dirty with some other human-like thingy.  Sure, I dig it, except for the demon rape, which our Rising Sun friends seem to get off on.  Well, not all of them.  I mean, it’s not like every bit of hentai out there has an obligatory demon rape scene because it’s what their primary audience demands.  Anyways, for the record, I do not think all Japanese people living in Japan like demon rape in their hentai and I by no means condone demon rape.  Or other forms of rape.  Well, except for a rapist getting butt raped.  Oh geez, nevermind.  This wasn’t supposed to be about the forms of rape I approve (which is none) and more about the sickos who likes them some pikachu porn.

Anyways, yeah, I get “regular” (I mean, how regular can this shit be?) hentai and even to a degree poop porn.  But Pikachu porn?  That gets into the realm of beastiality and other forms of animal fucking (assuming there are other forms).  And it’s not even like it’s a real animal.  It’s a made-up animal that some pervo wants to fuck.  Furthermore, it’s a made up animal that some pervo could get fucking electrocuted by.  Kind of says a lot about someone with the whole Pikachu fetish, don’t it?

So, what have we learned here, dear reader?  I don’t know.  But it has something to do with weirdos, perverts and something about Pikachu porn.  When I get it all figured, I’ll let all you all know.

Plurk, You’re A Needy Bitch

Hey Plurk,

Sorry I ain’t been around much lately, baby. It’s been crazy busy you know. Just got a lot of shit going on and am spreading the Hack pretty thin. And I think we both know this time might be coming sooner or later, right? I mean, we had a good thing and all, and we had a lot of fun, but Plurk, honey, you’re a needy bitch.

You know what I’m talking about. You get all pissy if I go and do something besides sit there with you. And if I go away for the weekend? You’re all, “look at all this shit you missed, asshole!” and then I spend my whole damn morning trying to make it right! You’re forever reminding me that I haven’t been around and then can you let it go? Oh hell no. You have to tell me it’s all bad for my karma and shit. And now, you want me to reconfirm my fucking email address? What the fuck? You think I just got nothing to do all damn day but make your ass happy? Oh hell no! A motherfucker don’t need that, especially a busy-ass motherfucker. I’m tired of your guilt trips and I need to breath. Plurk, you are a needy bitch.

And before you go there, yeah, I been back seeing the Twitter. I know I said some shit about the Twitter in the past, and I do stand by it. I know we used to talk shit about her too. But man, she’s been taking care of herself. I don’t see that big, fat, white whale anymore but a confident somebody with a come and go as you please mentality that lets me do what I want when I want. Plurk, listen, I ain’t saying you ain’t pretty. All I’m saying is I’m not ready for any person, place or thing to pull the reins in on me. Maybe someday when I’m ready to settle down, I’ll be ready for you. But right now, in this part of my life, you’re just a bit co-dependant and just a little creepy. And you’re making me sound like fucking Linda Ronstadt.

I don’t mean to be mean, but I have to be honest with you. You’re needy, you take up way too much time and I’m tired of your guilt trips. And I know what you think of me. So we’ll just let it go at that. Maybe we’ll hang out some time. I think we should still be friends, I’m just not ready for that kind of relationship with a micro-blogging site like you.

Take care,

Hack