Archive for September, 2008

For The Record –

September 11, 2008

Watching WE, Lifetime or Bravo doesn’t mean one is gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that) or female (nor that either!). Yes, I love Bridezillas. Yes, I love the Golden Girls (and by the by, they don’t show so many movies where men are killing women and throwing old people down stairs on Lifetime these days. Though, on the Lifetime Movie Channel, is another story. Yes, I know about the Lifetime Movie Channel). And yes, I love Project Runway and can tell you who I think will show at Bryant Park.

While setting things straight, I want to give a big thanks and credit where credit is due. It’s pretty unanimous that what people loved about that Plurk post were the comments. First off, is Ms. Phung, our very own baby momma of content, who kick-started the thing.   Also jumping in are the Streko (the New Jersey SEO, motherfuckers!), the dapper Dan known as the MadHat and everyones favorite SEM Rock Star, Syzlak (who better not be quitting or I will shave all that pretty hair off his fucking lumpy-ass head). Thank you to all of you for kicking it up to eleven making it awesome. And thank you, dear reader, for Stumbling/Digging/Redditting (what the fuck do they call that?) and generally passing it around. All you all are awesome too.  Thank you to everyone.

Pikachu Porn – Really?

September 8, 2008

Alright, all you all know by know poop porn is the only fucking keyword phrase I get any traffic for.  Don’t ask me why, but for some reason people who love them some poop porn can’t read descriptions worth a fuck and click on this shit hole thinking they’re gonna’ get them some, er, well, some number two action.  Incidentally, it amuses me to no end when I rank second for “poop porn” in the Google, cuz, well, you know.  It’s number two!  The deuce!

But lately, there’s been a new trend, which is far more disturbing.  It’s people who are searching for “pikachu porn“.  The fact that I rank for it doesn’t bother except for A) I can’t make any money off of it and 2) what kind of sick fuck is looking for pornography featuring a yellow, squirrel/cat-like thing?

I get hentai and cartoon porno, I really do.  I mean, essentially, it’s still some human-like creature, though animated, getting down and dirty with some other human-like thingy.  Sure, I dig it, except for the demon rape, which our Rising Sun friends seem to get off on.  Well, not all of them.  I mean, it’s not like every bit of hentai out there has an obligatory demon rape scene because it’s what their primary audience demands.  Anyways, for the record, I do not think all Japanese people living in Japan like demon rape in their hentai and I by no means condone demon rape.  Or other forms of rape.  Well, except for a rapist getting butt raped.  Oh geez, nevermind.  This wasn’t supposed to be about the forms of rape I approve (which is none) and more about the sickos who likes them some pikachu porn.

Anyways, yeah, I get “regular” (I mean, how regular can this shit be?) hentai and even to a degree poop porn.  But Pikachu porn?  That gets into the realm of beastiality and other forms of animal fucking (assuming there are other forms).  And it’s not even like it’s a real animal.  It’s a made-up animal that some pervo wants to fuck.  Furthermore, it’s a made up animal that some pervo could get fucking electrocuted by.  Kind of says a lot about someone with the whole Pikachu fetish, don’t it?

So, what have we learned here, dear reader?  I don’t know.  But it has something to do with weirdos, perverts and something about Pikachu porn.  When I get it all figured, I’ll let all you all know.

Plurk, You’re A Needy Bitch

September 8, 2008

Hey Plurk,

Sorry I ain’t been around much lately, baby. It’s been crazy busy you know. Just got a lot of shit going on and am spreading the Hack pretty thin. And I think we both know this time might be coming sooner or later, right? I mean, we had a good thing and all, and we had a lot of fun, but Plurk, honey, you’re a needy bitch.

You know what I’m talking about. You get all pissy if I go and do something besides sit there with you. And if I go away for the weekend? You’re all, “look at all this shit you missed, asshole!” and then I spend my whole damn morning trying to make it right! You’re forever reminding me that I haven’t been around and then can you let it go? Oh hell no. You have to tell me it’s all bad for my karma and shit. And now, you want me to reconfirm my fucking email address? What the fuck? You think I just got nothing to do all damn day but make your ass happy? Oh hell no! A motherfucker don’t need that, especially a busy-ass motherfucker. I’m tired of your guilt trips and I need to breath. Plurk, you are a needy bitch.

And before you go there, yeah, I been back seeing the Twitter. I know I said some shit about the Twitter in the past, and I do stand by it. I know we used to talk shit about her too. But man, she’s been taking care of herself. I don’t see that big, fat, white whale anymore but a confident somebody with a come and go as you please mentality that lets me do what I want when I want. Plurk, listen, I ain’t saying you ain’t pretty. All I’m saying is I’m not ready for any person, place or thing to pull the reins in on me. Maybe someday when I’m ready to settle down, I’ll be ready for you. But right now, in this part of my life, you’re just a bit co-dependant and just a little creepy. And you’re making me sound like fucking Linda Ronstadt.

I don’t mean to be mean, but I have to be honest with you. You’re needy, you take up way too much time and I’m tired of your guilt trips. And I know what you think of me. So we’ll just let it go at that. Maybe we’ll hang out some time. I think we should still be friends, I’m just not ready for that kind of relationship with a micro-blogging site like you.

Take care,

Hack

3M Corporation Bankrupt?

September 4, 2008

Now this can be argued two ways.  Is there marketing department morally bankrupt?  Well, after reading and thinking about how 3M Carjacked the Post-It Note Car, I’d say yeah.  I mean, c’mon people.  Just because you might be able to legally do something doesn’t mean you ought to. Furthermore, you think people, especially friends of the guy you fucking stole borrowed the idea from would keep their mouths shut?  Seriously?  You fuckers are as fucking dumb as you are morally bankrupt.  And that sez something coming from a fucker like me.  Well, let’s pray the media continues to not see any of this.  And if they do, consider it a lesson in social media marketing, assholes.

Now, financially, is 3M Corporation filing for bankruptcy soon?  I mean, they couldn’t afford to pay a guy his asking price of $2,000 for permission to use those pics.  Instead, they chose a more cost-effective route by recreating their own Post-It Note car, likely just for the cost of the Post-It Notes they used, which, since they aren’t having to schlepp down to the Staples or the Wal-Mart to buy them, it must not be a whole lot.  Now, they would have to factor in the cost of the employee time to put the Post-It notes on the car, as well as a photog to come shoot the damn thing.  Honestly, I think it might’ve been more cost effective to just pay for the original Post-It Note Car, but hey, I’m not some genius running the marketing department of a multi-national company.  And they may have decided to go with a “gritty and organic” feel and just had one of the decorators shoot the car.  So maybe the cost is low.  But if they’re worried about saving a thousand dollars (which the 3M Corporation marketing hack representative indicates was the difference between doing it themselves and paying Mr. Abelman for using his pics), what does that say about their financials?

It says that 3M Corporation are either a) going broke and need to keep costs down however possible (including theft) or 2) they’re a bunch of fucking cheap asses.  Now, granted, I’m no market analysisizer type person, nor do I follow them particularly close.  And this is solely opinion and speculation.  But, how else would you reason that they’d cut off their nose despite $1,000?

Keep up the great work, 3M.