7 Things I Learned On The Interweb This Week

Anyways, so what a week, eh? Turns out that brawl Lisa Barone tweeted about was from some crazy motherfucker named the SEO Champion (was it a full moon last week?). Just when I thought the Industry was running out of crazies, another one pops out of the wood pile like a mole on speed (yes, I’m aware that makes no sense). Then, and this isn’t confirmed, and I don’t know that I want to know the truth, who stops by this shit hole (I can’t decide if that’s two words or one) den of awesomeness? Someone going by Boser (I know!!!!!!! Boser!!!). And just when Thursday rolls around and I think I’m gonna’ get some SEO shit done, I blow the whole day reading my new heroine (sorry, bossman. I’m not being paid at the “give a shit” level yet). In the meantime, The Worst SEO Blog Ever! is still getting a, er, buttload of traffic (well, it’s a lot for me!) from poop porn related keywords. And hell, I even gave out some great link building advice! Go me!

Plus, I kind of learned some shit this week. And here it is.

1. There is no god or justice. But I can still hope he’ll be traded between the Aryan Brotherhood, the Crips and Latin Kings like an old gym sock found under a fourteen year old boy’s bed (that’s why I started doing my own laundry) for packs of cigarettes.

2.   Shaun Hogan is not Nick Hogan.  And, therefore, cookie-stuffing isn’t jail house slang for anal rape (though I’m pretty sure eBay is gonna’ try and bend ’em over).  And I need to watch less of the VH1 and the E!, or at least start paying better attention.

3. I need to go to yard sales more often.

4. Nothing gets your white supremacist girlfriends moister (more moist didn’t sound right) than talking about assassinating Barack Obama. And thanks to these assholes, anyone driving around with rifles and meth is going to look like a fucking racist.

5. If you rob a store, don’t text the details to your buddies. And for godsakes, don’t hide out in the place you’re robbing. Seriously – are kids getting that stupid? When I was at an age where robbery seemed appropriate and even moderately admirable, we didn’t have any friggin’ cell-phones. Oh hell no. We had smoke signals. Sure, they were a bitch to deal with at night, but they taught you ingenuity and self reliance. And hey, burning shit is fun!

6. Nothing sez “counter culture” like corporate sponsors. Or $295 tickets.

7. I wish bulls knew how to use handguns.

Alright, all you all. Have a good weekend and junk. And remember, you can get drunk on Saturday and Sunday nights this weekend.  Salud!

3 Responses to “7 Things I Learned On The Interweb This Week”

  1. Jaan Kanellis Says:

    Chris is an uberdouche that shops at Claires in the mall.

  2. streko Says:

    this blog is a trap.

  3. Devilman676 Says:

    “another one pops out of the wood pile like a mole on speed” make perfect sense to me…I wish I would have thought of it first! Criss angel is a uberdouche. When he was in clearwater I thought about heading to the beach to punch him in the neck…it wasn’t worth wasting the gas though.

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