Man, with the lack of posting this week, all you all might think I’m actually Syzlak. Or am I? Anyways, it’s just been a helluva’ week. I mean, there’s that whole work thing where the bossman thinks I need to actually do something to earn my wage, and then all the interweb drama starting with some jackass last Friday and going all the way through to this week, where some “ethical” marketing troll took it upon herself to pick a fight with a comrade of mine among many others.
Speaking of which, there is an art to knowing when to shut the fuck up. I don’t usually try to tell people what to do, well, aside from my SEO Standards, and I realize that the person who should probably be reading this the most will never see it. But for the three or four of you who do, you probably don’t need a lecture from a jackass like me. But whatever. The thing is, this thing called the interweb is wonderful for expressing one’s self, even if that expression is one of dislike and contempt for another. Yes, one should stick up for one’s self and one’s friends. However, when that “expression” turns into a way to alienate someone you care about from their colleagues and making people question associating with that person due to their association with you, you need to step back from the keyboard and monitor and really think long and hard about what you’re doing. At that point, it’s not about “being you” or whatever new-age hippie bullshit you tell yourself. It goes beyond you. It goes to the heart of destroying the reputation of those who you hold dear and associate yourself with. And at that point, that is point at which you need to learn to shut the fuck up. Besides, you’re just gonna’ get hung by your own words.
Oh, and constantly threatening to sue others for doing the same shit you do to others? Just remember who the first victim of the guillotine was. Do unto others as you’d want un done to yourself and all that.
So, with that, on with the Semper Fi edition of 7 Things I Learned On The Interweb This Week!
1. Subway’s new $5 Footlong plus 7″ knife promotion isn’t being received well. I’m guessing Quizzno’s Zesty Meatball and Razor Blade sub wont’ be successful either.
2. Rebecca Kelley has very nice teeth. 4 out 5 RKFB’s agree! Yet another reason for my fanboy allegiance and loyalty. And yes, I recognize how fucking creepy this is.
3. Being Andy Dick sucks. And not just because that means you’re a drug-addled asshole and groper of teenage girls. No. It sucks because no matter what happens, when you wake up you’re still Andy Dick and you peaked by standing on the shoulders of others. That’s the best Andy Dick story I read since Lovitz put the beat down on Dick’s sorry ass.
4. Don’t fuck with Streko’s friends.
5. Comedy is hard to write, and nearly impossible for some. This isn’t a dig just ‘cuz someone was too much of a chicken shit to publish my comments or decided to be a dick to Ms. Rebecca Kelley. Okay, maybe it is. I mean, he goes after her with some cheap, throw-away comment that’s not even fucking original? WTF? But still. If this is an example of a comedy blog, then Dane Cook is the funniest motherfucker alive. Seriously. I’m pretty sure there’s another reason I’m feeling a little woozie – and it ain’t because of Badoozie. Maybe it’s because of the stench of failure or suckassdom? Perhaps too much bullshit? Or the overwhelming feeling of pity that though this guy is trying to pick a fight with the industry, we all realize he has a hard time fighting for air ‘cuz his head is so far up his ass? That’s probably why you’re feeling woozie, jackass. Pull your head out and realize that your mom is just saying those nice things ‘cuz that’s what mothers do. And you really ought to consider having sex with a robot if you get the chance. With PMS jokes and shit as your standard fare, that’s the only way you’re gonna’ get laid.
6. No matter how old I get or what level of success I achieve (or, rather, don’t achieve), poop stories will always crack me up. Thanks, El Tigre.
7. Either white girls can’t dance, or the Icky Shuffle and the Twist are making a comeback.
So, there it is. Have a good weekend and junk.