Jason Gambert, Thank You, Idiot

I was about to shutter this blog and call it done. But the ember of Mr. Gambert’s idiocy was enough to get the fire going again.

It started with a post by SEOmoz’s Sarah Bird about Gambert doing some sort of last minute heroics to keep his bullshit trademark case alive. Amazing? Not really. If somebody has taken something this far, is there any way you’re gonna’ give up? Hell no! Especially when it’s been giving you all the attention mommy and daddy gave to your smarter, pretty little sister. How many people in the industry know who SEO Hack is? About a dozen. How many people in the industry know the name Jason Gambert? There you go.

After reading the article, I was a little fired up, but honestly not enough to overcome my disgust and my apathy. Sure, there was even talk of his stupid sock puppets, which even managed to come by and spam my comments on Jason Gambert, Consider Registering Jackass. I mean, seriously guy. If you’re gonna’ do shit like that, you gotta’ be thinking about how fucking easy it is to connect the dot between your IP’s . I mean, that’s first grade shit. Learn the words “anonymous” and “proxy”. Seriously. It just made you look like a clown. And not even a scary clown. Just an ass clown. But enough about you.

Even the inconsistencies about him trying register SEO because it’s his process and then creating a blog to act as our martyr/savior didn’t motivate me. His crazy assertion that using Google to look up stuff based on the merits of his petition weren’t fair because Google wasn’t around in 1997? Nothing, except he looks like a crazy motherfucker. Everything that Ms. Bird pointed out about him, from the inane to the insane, just made me think he was a complete asshole but wasn’t enough to motivate me to write about him.

Then I saw the Gambert sockpuppet was harrassing ArteWorks’ associates about the company’s “honesty and integrity”. Honesty and integrity. This man, who is trying to manipulate the industry to his will, is questioning honesty and integrity? This son of a bitch, who’s speaking out both sides of his mouth, is questioning someone’s honesty and integrity? This fucking clown, who makes it out like those who filed petitions to have his petition removed are going to physically harm him, is questioning anybody’s honesty and integrity? Fuck that.

The man wouldn’t even know fucking honesty and integrity if they came up, punched him in the fucking throat and then had their way with him in the middle of the fucking day. Furthermore, the only person that is hurting Jason Gambert is Jason Gambert. The industry knows your kind. And you need to put down the fucking thinner if you think you can actually trick a government lawyer into falling for your schtick. That’s even assuming the motherfucker actually exists!

Listen, Gambert, the thing is, you need to learn when to fold. You can’t bluff your way through this. You are your own worst enemy here. You’ve shown everyone your hand. Back away from the table.

And thank you for the inspiration.

One Response to “Jason Gambert, Thank You, Idiot”

  1. greatscott! Says:

    Quality ranting, my friend. You’re the dude.

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