So, it looks like SEO conference season is upon us and running full tilt. Seems like every time I open my inbox, some sales person who gave me a friggin’ pen in exchange for my email address (my ass they were actually giving away a fucking iPod!) are hitting me up and telling me if I’m at the show to stop by their booth. Sorry people, if I didn’t sign up for whatever program you have by now, I ain’t gonna’. You might as well dump me off your fucking email list already, alright? Thank you.
While the SEO conference names all seem to blur together (hell, it might just be two shows, and I’m not bothering to read the fucking emails. NO! I don’t want to advertise in your friggin’ magazine, alright?), somehow I managed to remember the SMX Social Media Marketing thingy in Long Beach (land o’ Snoop Dogg). A whole show dedicated to Social Media Marketing? For reals? That made a lot of sense. So I went to the site.
But as I looked through it, it occured to me that while social media is “the place to hang” (god, I sound like a honkey right there. Oh well, I yam what I yam, and apparently what I yam is a honkey), on the Sphinn it seems like the only thingy loosely related to social media that gets any play is fucking Twitter. While I was scanning the agenda highlights for SMX Social, I realized all of these are going to devolve into some fucking hand job for Twitter (someone involved with all these SEO conferences must own it. Damn I’m using a lot of parenthesis in this post!). So, without further ado, I present the SMX Social agenda highlights and how they relate to Twitter! Hurrah!
Social Media Marketing Essentials – Basically, this discussion is going to be about how if you haven’t signed up for Twitter, you’re a fucking moron and will be chastised for not having done so. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Linkbait – Chumming for Traffic on Social Media Sites – Did you know that creating compelling linkbait may be a great way to open your site up to new visitors (though short term) and a great source for links (though perhaps off-topic)? But what makes linkbait great is you can tell all your friends about it via Twitter! Twitter! Twitter! Twitter! Hurraaaay!
Extra! Extra! The Social News Sites – Aha! You thought this wouldn’t be about Twitter? Dumbass. Of course it’s going to be about Twitter! How else anyone going to tell people about their posts and articles appearing on these sites? Twitter. Any other way is soooooooo 1899.
A Marketer’s Guide to Social Bookmarking & Tagging – Hmm. This one might not have anything to do with Twitter, unless they’re recommending to get on the Twitter and tell your followers about your bookmarks and junk. I’m sure Twitter will get mentioned.
Effectively Leveraging Social Networking – The original title for this discussion was “Effectively Leveraging Social Networking with Twitter”. Or at least that’s what I’m guessing.
Evangelist – The Marketer’s Role in SMM – Finally someone will tell the world what the hell an Evangelist is (I’m guessing cheerleader is more appropriate but looks lousy on a business card). And this discussion will tell us how these evangelists use Twitter to pimp their company.
Wikipedia, Yahoo Answers & Answer Sharing – I’m guessing this panel will discuss how Wikipedia, Yahoo! Answers and all that will die because Twitter is SOOOOOOOO dreamy! And Matt McGee will get shit for not having signed up for Twitter.
There you have it. So now go to my Twitter feed and sign up to follow me, okay?😉