7 Things I Learned On The Interweb This Week.

Wow, I’m getting these up late.  And to think I almost had it all done yesterday!  But, as you know, I’m a lazy bastard.  Like really fucking lazy.  Like, oh hell, who cares, you get the idea.  And I got nothing.  It’s not like I’m Johnny fucking Carson here.

Anyways, either there was a lot of crazy shit going or a lot people have been thinking the 7 have been sucking.  Oh well.  But if it weren’t for these people sharing things with me, then this week might have really sucked!  Seriously!  I mean, I learned a ton of junk this week with a minimal amount of effort.  And for a lazy asshole such as myself, that’s awesome (however, don’t equate that statement with meaning I was more productive, cuz, again, I’m lazy).  So, without further ado, 7 Things I Learned On The Interweb This Week – A Little Help From My Friends edition (I can’t believe I got to use the word “friends” in relation to myself!):

1. Sexy + crazy = Alicia Keys. But I doubt she can rock the tinfoil helmet like I can.

2. Some big-brained people may be giving us ninjalistic ultra-highspeed internet!  The only downside is the motherfuckers might also destroy the fucking world.  Good thinking, assholes.  I don’t care if it’s only a 1 in 50 million shot.  I kinda’ like living and shit, though for as much bitching as I do I imagine that might surprise some of you.  That better be some super-fucking awesome internet and I better be able to get ahold of that shit.

3. There is a lot to be learned about funeral ettiquite. For example, hugging is good, but groping, not so much. Consoling the mother of the deceased, good. Showing the mother of the deceased porn pics on your cellular communication device, not so good. Bringing the family together in memory of a loved, good. Bringing the family together so they can kick your sorry ass, not so good. Thanks, Comrade Bagel!

4. You don’t fuck with Monica Wilson, do you Syzlak?

5. Rebecca Kelley has been spying on me. Can’t the Hack watch a little hotel porn in peace?!?!?! And yes, I am totally aware that she dropped this link last week and like the little Rebecca Kelley Fanboy that I am, I ran with it. I ran with it like a motherfucker. I ran with it like Monica Wilson’s 15-year-old boy did with her car last weekend. And you know what? I don’t care. That’s what being a fanboy is about. Totally throwing every little bit of pride out the window for a little speck of attention.

6.  We don’t agree on how to spell thing nor on what to name things, but one thing Brits and ‘Mericans (read it again if you think I typed Mexicans!) is that we all have a juvenile sense of humor.  Anyone up for Penetrating Wagner’s Ring?  Heheheh, heheh, it says penetrate.  Tip of the hat to our Man in Manchester. Oh, and read the comments on that, willya?  Just do it.

7.  Everything you need to learn about marketing, public relations, advertising and branding can be summed up by El Tigre.  Why study marketing or advertising in the university when you can just go the internet and learn junk?  Sure, it’s not as easy learning from the TV, but still, it’d save you whole pile of money.  Though, I don’t know if El Tigre hands out diplomas.

So there you have it.  Now, if any of you thought this week sucked, I’m not responsible for much of the above.  Well, some, but not all.  And if you’re all pissed off because I didn’t say anything about the search industry, let’s face it, the search industry was fucking boring this week.  Well, not boring boring, but you know what I’m getting at.  Anyways, time to go drink something!

5 Responses to “7 Things I Learned On The Interweb This Week.”

  1. streko Says:


    courtesy of syzlak.

  2. TheMadHat Says:

    Porn at 50 terabits per second? It’s worth risking the black hole.

  3. Jaan Kanellis Says:

    Monica Wilson you made my mothu fuckin day.

  4. el tigre hilker Says:

    tigre university offers a b.a. in b.s.

  5. Rebecca Kelley Says:

    A bit of a belated response, but I’m lazy…you rapist. (kidding, kidding)

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