7 Things I Learned On The Interweb This Week

1. Wanna’ go as Joe Francis for Easter? What? Not all holidays involving candy mean you have to get dressed up as someone? Whatever. At any rate, someone was kind enough to compile a list so you can look the part.

2. If a crazy bitch locks herself in the bathroom of your trailer, give her a day, maybe a week, or hell, even a month, to get the hell out before calling the cops. Whatever the hell you do, DO NOT wait two fucking years to do it! And make sure she’s taking a fucking bath! Crazy people don’t always bathe!

3. Every time I start sounding like some sort of paranoid conspiracy nut, Big Brother comes along to prove me right. But! Those bastards won’t be able to read my thoughts OR see me because I’m developing a tinfoil suit!!!

4 . Not everything you read on the Sphinn may be the gospel truth. Well, duh. It’s on the friggin’ interweb, ain’t it? We all know the TV is the medium of truth.

5. There’s a wrong way and right way to depict our first President. As a bobbing head rapper – wrong. As an ass-kicking mercenary – correct.

6. W.W. Green must have been one helluva’ a man. I wonder if he’s hiring?

7. Apparently, if you ever see some guy with no legs careening down a hill on skis the last thing you’re supposed to do is look. Because if you do, you’re an asshole. Because the world is chock full of people without legs doing crap like scaling cliffs and it’s just as normal to see as a vampire fighting a werewolf. Though, if I were this guy, and people were assuming stupid shit as to why I didn’t have legs, I totally tell them I was born that way just to make them feel like a complete asshole. And then I’d cry to make them feel worse. And keep crying until they bought me a drink. And if they bought me a well-drink, I’d cry and tell them they apparently didn’t think well enough of me to buy me a good drink because I have no legs.

11 Responses to “7 Things I Learned On The Interweb This Week”

  1. The Bagel of Everything Says:

    WW Green sounds like my uncles back in WV.

    Our friend Kevin an article about Kevin Connolly a while back. I think you’ll appreciate it.

  2. Syzlak Says:

    Here’s my problem with Kevin Connolly and why I think that although life must be rough for him, he’s a hypocritical dick. So he was born without legs – that sucks. He gets pissed off when people would stare or take his pic – that would make me feel violated. He doesn’t want to be the center of some news piece just because of his situation – I wouldn’t want to be an inspiration to others either…wait what?

    So the guy doesn’t want to placate the media and be their juicy story. Fair enough, except that the only reason I know about him now is because he did just that. Fucking dipshit. I mean, how interested would we all be if he was just a guy that crawled around and took pictures? Not very. However, thanks to his willingness to let the media do stories on him, here he is!! Oh and bonus points for impersonating veterans and Gods!

    It must suck to not have legs, but I’m not supposed to feel sorry for him – he wouldn’t like that.

    Best line from the video “Shooting from the hip…” as if there’s another way (think about it, multiple gags there)

  3. seohack Says:

    @ bagel – i love that Kevin was able to find a pic of the other Kevin sleeping on a dog. Great read!!!!

    @ syzlak – at least it proves the handicapped are just as big of assholes as the rest of us. and of course a fucking five-year-old is gonna’ stare!!!!! duh.

  4. Melanie Phung Says:

    I’ve read other stuff about the guy and he does sound like a jerk. Being stared at might be pretty offensive, but having someone take surreptitious photos of me and then publishing them seems like the bigger violation.

  5. seohack Says:

    heheh, did anyone read many of the comments that were popping up with that article?

  6. Rebecca Kelley Says:

    My boyfriend wrote the douchebag products article. He was checking to see which sites linked to his article, saw The Worst SEO Blog Ever, thought, “Hey, I wonder if Rebecca knows this guy,” clicked through, and noticed a whole category devoted to his girlfriend. He was pretty amused by it. 😀

  7. seohack Says:

    @ Rebecca – so that explains why i haven’t received a bag full of your hair yet! Does he feel honored to be dating a celeb? 😀

  8. Rebecca Kelley Says:

    I’m actually getting a hair cut tomorrow, so I could creepily ask them to save the locks. All I need is a shipping address…

  9. seohack Says:

    will there be enough for a pillow? ask them that, you know, if you want to go for extra creepiness factor. 😉

  10. Me Again Says:

    must. resist. urge. to. say. “this is creepy. sweet, but in a creepy way.” must. resist. or demons will fly out of the Hellmouth and then want to cook bunny stew for me.


  11. Soylent Ape Says:

    Comcast has proven time and again that they really don’t give a shit about serving their customers better. The American Customer Satisfaction Index has, as recently as 2007, rated Comcast Cable’s service satisfaction the lowest in the nation. It’s hard for me to believe that they’re concerned about better serving their subscribers. I see their use of an embedded camera as a sinister privacy invasion.

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