Archive for March 5th, 2008


March 5, 2008

Every once in a while, you get something that is a hat trick of awesomeness, or perhaps not so much, that it just makes you smile. It makes you put down the sniper rifle, look at the sunshine and have smiley thoughts about things like kittens and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and bosses caught in compromising positions.

So who do I have to thank for this little piece of cake? Some douche dude named Justin. The hat trick you ask? It’s all from this post about his undying love for the iPhone. Ah yes, the iPhone. We all know how I feel about that by now. “But that’s only one goal,” you point out. Read the last paragraph about he LOOOOOOOOOOVES the Facebook. “Okay, two. So what’s the third?” you ask. He spammed a the Sphinn with it. It’s the trifecta of online douchebaggery!!!

Now, I’m not one to out a blackhat or talk trash about some one running a blog aimed at scoring big Adsense bucks. I’m usually one to say live and let die when it comes to that stuff. But this dopey kid represents all sorts of shit that drives me fucking nuts. First, he’s got one of those stupid hair cuts and is wearing those stupid sunglasses to look all hipsterish or something. Then he loves the fucking iPhone and is telling us how fucking great it is like every other annoying fucking Apple fanboy. Then, at the end he devotes a fucking paragraph to fucking Facebook. And as the cherry on top of this shit pie, he spams an social network devoted to search marketing with it. What a douche.

Well, Justin, assuming this is your real name and your not just some real estate cat trying to work his site up the SERPs with douchey throw away blogs, let me give you some advice. I don’t care about your stupid haircut, nor your sunglasses, nor the fact you love the iPhone and Facebook. I don’t even care that you’re trying to make a few bucks with some affiliate junk. We all need beer money. But when it comes to spamming shit, nothing bugs me more than when it’s done so obviously and ham-handedly.

First, the Sphinn is definitely not your target audience. So that was just stupid and lazy. Study your market a little (I’m thinking douchey frat boys in this instance) and hit them where they live. After all, you’re more likely to get them to click on your ads.

Second, taking advantage of an audience takes time. Running in there, creating a profile and throwing your shit up there does nothing. It’s so fucking obvious, sad, and again, lazy. If you really think we’re that fucking ignant, at least try to trick us by making us believe you’re one of us. Or them, ‘cuz I don’t have much play there these days.

Third, if you’re doing it for the link, then you’re really a fucking dumbshit. A lot of social networks are killing those links, which means the ten minutes you spent registering a profile and tossing that shit on the wall would have been better spent idolizing your hero Joe Francis giving you the reach around. Learn to read.

Justin, buddy, if you think that was a little hard, then I apologize. I do. But you need to learn. Go read some other blogs and shit and don’t come back until you can actually do that shit right without making a total jackass out of yourself.