WTF, Wikipedia?

So, anyone who has had the misfortune of trying to find anything on Google in the last six months (or much longer) have had the joy of sifting through a gazillion semi-relevant Wikipedia entries to find whatever the hell they were searching for in the first place. Just what I wanted. If I wanted the history of the fucking Golden Girls, I’ll check out the Wikipedia. But for actual information? Just five me what I was looking for! For chrissakes, just give me what I was friggin’ looking for!!!!!

But anyways, that’s Google’s deal. They want to work for Wikipedia, fine, it’s no skin off my nose. What does piss me off is when some person tries to make a Wikipedia page helpful with some interlinking and then Google, in all their wisdom, pulls a big “fuck you, Melanie!” and sinks the motherfucker into oblivion.

So, you show us a bunch of fucking worthless Wikipedia pages, and then about the time someone says, “Here, Google, I think you’ll like this page for this semi-worthless keyword phrase,” you get all uppity and shit and say go screw yourself. Thanks. Try to make Wikipedia useful for those things called humans? Just like in the “guidelines”? Nah, go piss up a rope. We realize it’s your fucking toy and you’ll play with it however the hell you want. But this “do as we say, not as we do” shit and then dogging a page once we do what you say is bullshit. You know it is. This is why MSN pulling their collective head out of their collective ass and fucking up buying Yahoo! makes you all lawyer-crazy and shit. All you all are doing is pissing the rest of us off and making us want to go check out a search engine like No bullshit there.

So here’s what I’m getting at. Your job, and the reason all these people dumped all that money into your stock, is that there’s this perception that you all deliver good results and make a killing off of Adwords and Adsense. We understand it’s your job to deliver these “relevant” (*cough**cough*) results. If that’s your job and what you’re getting paid to do, then do your fucking job!!! Not every query needs a fucking Wikipedia page in the top ten listings! And not every Wikipedia page with a moderate amount of interlinking is fucking spam! I know all you all are lazy and want math to solve the problem, but some shit can’t be solved by math. It actually requires footwork and checking shit out, something I hate. Being a lazy fucker, if I could get math, or even history, to my job I would. Trust me on that. But I can’t. Math is already working on your people’s shit and history still owes me $20 from two weekends ago and isn’t returning my calls.

Other than that, you people at Google are doing an okay job.

8 Responses to “WTF, Wikipedia?”

  1. Melanie Says:

    Don’t you know, Google doesn’t want your so-called “help” making things “useful”. They only want your help putting rel=nofollow all over your blog telling them what’s a comment link … because they can’t figure it out themselves.

  2. Melanie Says:

    And thanks for getting that off my chest for me.

    … errr?

  3. Syzlak Says:

    This blog just got a lot hotter O.o

  4. seohack Says:

    hey, my hands were in my pocket the whole time . . . er, that doesn’t help, does it?



  6. Melanie Says:

    I’m back to report that I tried the same trick on a Wikipedia category page and I appear to have made that page drop from #4 to #13 within a matter of hours. Awesome.

    Of course it may be, probably is, completely coincidental. I mean, c’mon, a couple of hours? I better keep testing this trick on more pages. I’m a goin’ Google Bowlin’!

  7. All About Content » Context Is the Castle Vanguard Says:

    […] he knows that (I think, yes?). He’s even so kind as to find opportunities to link to me using really good anchor text, and I return the […]

  8. mike Says:

    I agree
    I hate wikipedia,
    google just keep placing wikip.. results on the top, almost always the first..
    why that website?
    There are millions of places to find good information, NOT WIKI

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