Google – Just Chill, Okay?

So I wake up this morning and what do I hear on the news?  Friggin’ Google is getting all pissy and shitty about Microsoft wanting to buy Yahoo!.   Google is worried?  Apparently there’s something about Microsoft that I’ve missed if this bid has those people shitting themselves and crying to the Feds.  And then they went on to bitch about”openness” of the interweb and junk like that.

Umm, two things.  First, Google, do you know who the hell you’re talking about?  If anything, Microsoft buying Yahoo! would be a good thing for you.  Remember what I said about Microsoft clumsily killing Yahoo! like a baby chick?  Uh, yeah.  Well, if they do that you get to be numero uno for a long, long time.  So quit your bitching.  Seriously, it just makes you people look like a bunch of whiny assholes.

Furthermore, you all ain’t serious about that “web openness” thing, right?  You all were just kidding about that, right?  Because if anything, all you all are the epitome of everything closed and chock full of “do as we say, not as we do”.  No offense, Google, but you just come off really bad in that press release.  You people saying “We take Internet openness, choice and innovation seriously. They are the core of our culture. We believe that the interests of Internet users come first — and should come first — as the merits of this proposed acquisition are examined and alternatives explored” is fucking hilarious.  I can think of a few people who might disagree with that line of shit.

So, Google, while I’m not a fan of of Microsoft pursuing the Yahoo!, trust me, you don’t have anything to worry about.  And if you are, then that speaks volumes about the bullshit going on in Mountain View.

7 Responses to “Google – Just Chill, Okay?”

  1. Neuromancer Says:

    and some of the comments about the pc and microsfts role in making the pc and open platform instaed of the closeed platform that IBM wanted FFS

    Just cos you let the kids from the varity club bus look round the Google plex doesnt mean you have to give then a job

  2. michael streko Says:


  3. Michael VanDeMar Says:

    This is your reminder to nofollow the link to Google’s blog. 😀

  4. Syzlak Says:

    @Streko – What? You’ve never been on the varity club bus before?

  5. Melanie Phung Says:

    I especially liked calling out those two quotes (re: why Yahoo paid links are considered legit). Oops.

    It’s one thing to discount links you don’t think fit your algo’s criteria, but the manual smackdowns are nothing but bullying tactics.

  6. Melanie Phung Says:

    p.s. Hack – you’re getting dangerously close to writing about real SEO stuff now. If you want to discuss these issues, may I suggest you start a different blog, so that we can keep this forum limited to poop porn and Nude Vanessa the Slayer, okay?

  7. seohack Says:

    @ Neuromancer – uh, come again?

    @ streko – try reading it more slowly. 😉

    @ VanDeMar – you remind me again on monday? =)

    @ syzlak – that’s not like the short bus, is it?

    @ melanie – bite your tongue! 😉 and thanks for getting poop porn and Vanessa Nude on here again! a fella’s gotta’ keep relevant!

    @ everyone – do note that this article was published before Rand published his. I think he stole my idea!

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