What the Hell, Search Engine Strategies! Calacanis? Really?

So, between whining, taking down my SEMMY trophy case and switching my loyalties, I totally missed the announcement that Jason Calacanis is going to be speaking as a keynote, erm, speaker at SES.

From what I gather, this Calacanis guy runs some search engine called Mahalo and is known to be an asshole. Like, there’s a lot of people who think he’s an asshole. Like, a lot of people are saying this him speaking at this Search Engine Strategies thing is a huge linkbait move to get attendance up, and that he’s an asshole. So, it seems the general consensus is that this Calacanis guy is an asshole.

Well, I have to admit, I’m a little pissed off too. After all, if it’s an asshole they were looking for, why didn’t they look at me? Sure, I’m not as notorious as Calacanis is, but I’m still an asshole. And I’d like to think a beloved asshole of this industry. If they want someone to throw out a few f-bombs, I can do that. “Fuck you, motherfucking fuckers!” “Fuckity fuckity fuck fuck fuck!” I’m pretty good, no?

I can be controversial. Hell, I’ve even had a Sphinn post buried by Michael Gray.  What’s more fucking controversial than that? Fuck yeah, it’s fucking controversial!!!  What can I say, I’m hardkore.

So, if you’re looking for someone that’s controversial and has the mouth of a motherfucking sailor, then I’m your guy. Sure, I don’t run a search engine. Big fucking deal. And yeah, maybe no one has heard of me. Besides, that motherfucker has spoke three times – he’s old hat. Fuck that. I’m an asshole’s asshole, and that’s all you fucking SES twats need to know.

Now then, when do I show up and can I get paid in cash?