Archive for January 14th, 2008

In Your Face, Punks!

January 14, 2008

Guess who’s been nominated for another award? That’s right fools – your friendly neighborhood asshole the SEO Hack!

I’ve been shafted so many times I’m starting to feel like Susan Lucci, only not as old, or woman, or rich, or hell, I guess I don’t feel like her at all. But one thing we do have in common is that we’re both big LOSERS. Though, I guess she’s not a loser anymore since she did eventually win that daytime Emmy. Honestly, the daytime Emmy’s – do those count? I mean, sure, it’s an award, but c’mon, it’s not like the shows on the daytime Emmy’s are competing against real TV shows. Can you trade two of them in for a real Emmy? But anyways, I’m sure the SEMMY’s are more like the Oscars or Golden Globes than the daytime Emmy’s and even the real Emmy’s. Though the names are quite similar . . . . anyways, what I’m getting at is my awesomeness has been recognized once again.

I realize I should be humble and say,”It’s just an honor to be nominated!” but I’d be full of shit. Oh hell no. I want to win this motherfucker. Instead of a “nominee” badge I want a big-ass WINNER badge. I imagine a prestigious award such as the SEMMY comes with a big-ass trophy as well. I hope it’s a cup. A giant cup. A giant cup that I can drag down to the 7-11, fill with Slurpee and then mix in a couple gallons of gin and go on a brainfreeze bender. All you all would have to deal with my drunk ass on Sphinn lording my trophy over all you all. Oh yeah, this will be fucking awesome. You think those Russians know how to party when they get their turn with the Stanley Cup – this will make them look like funny-talking children. Er, maybe not. Children these days do some pretty fucked-up shit.

Wish me luck, ‘cuz I’m gonna’ need it. Looking over the field of contenders, there’s some hardcore names out there. I mean hell, friggin’ Rebecca Kelley has two posts in contention! How the hell am I gonna’ top that?  You’d think that if she has two in there, there’d be at least a dozen from this den of awesomeness. Seriously. And then there’s Todd Friesen and Greg Boser. Going against two titans such as them seems impossible. That combined with my past performance for SEO blog awards, well, let’s just say it looks like my next “SEO Hack Got Screwed Again!” post is being written. But I’m not down. I’m like David with an RPG. I’m gonna’ win this motherfucker. And drink from it like a guy who drinks things from large awards or something.

Oh yeah, it’ gonna’ be friggin’ sweet. A helluva’ lot sweeter than just being nominated.