7 Things You’d Find In My Google Fridge, If I Won It

Do I deserve the Google fridge? Probably not as much as some (but I do deserve something, dammit!). And to be honest, I’m not very altruistic and shit so you can bet your sweet ass I wouldn’t be giving it to charity or anything. Nope, it’d sit right next to me when I go for a drive or while I’m watching the TV or maybe even into the Wal Mart – just to show it off. But even if I don’t win it, I like to think of how awesome it is. Just imagining all the stuff I could put in it . . . . damn, it would be awesome. Especially since I don’t work in an typical “office” (well, even if it were an “office”, I don’t really work), it would allow me to take that many fewer trips to the beer keeper.

So, fair readers and judges, what would the SEO Hack put in such an awesome fridge?

1. Beer. Duh. Isn’t that the unofficial fuel of this industry?

2. Urine and toenail clippings. Just like all good recluses, I need some good cold storage to keep my valuables from getting nasty. Keeping feces in there would just be disgusting. That’s what closets are for.

3. Gin. On client days, this kid needs a little more potent fuel.

4. Tin foil helmet. By keeping my tin foil helmet cold, the aluminum molecules would be moving more slowly, thus keeping the government from controlling my brain. Think about it.

5. Tins of canned cat food. Grampa hates it when his 9 Lives isn’t colder than room temperature. Yep, I’d share it with Grampa. See, I’m not such a big asshole afterall!

6. More gin. Some clients are just that bad. Not all, just some.

7. Rash ointment. Hey, looks like this thing would keep me from having to go to bathroom as often as well! Now I could just go out the window and make it so I never ever have to leave the office!

As you can see from the above, if you’re looking for someone who’s life the Google Fridge would make a huge impact on, it’s definitely mine. Just the thought of holing up in the office, waiting for all of this to go away and re-entering in a new, Mad Max world seems like a dream come true.

It’s quite possibly the sweetest of sweet dreams. And I thank Tamar Weinberg and Dan Perry for even giving me the opportunity to dream these sweet dreams of drunken hermitage.

9 Responses to “7 Things You’d Find In My Google Fridge, If I Won It”

  1. JDog Says:

    lol…good luck!

  2. JDog Says:

    Justice…you’ve finally won. Well, not much of an award but definitely some recognition you deserve http://thejdogblog.blogspot.com/

  3. seohack Says:

    Well done, Comrade JDog. Well done.

  4. el tigre hilker Says:

    that’s a lot of stuff, hack! i doubt you could fit all that in, especially considering the fridge arrives full of blogspam & affiliate redirects!

  5. Go Cry, Emo Senator « Ration Reality Says:

    […] they tend to be berzerker antisemites, 40-year old anti-global anarchists and other assorted nutjob troublemakers. To snag the key voting bloc in this election, you need to find a way to grab the attention of […]

  6. The Bagel of Everything Says:

    troublemaker

  7. Dan Perry Says:

    Just wanted to say thanks for entering, and best of luck!

  8. seohack Says:

    @ el tigre – dag! you been hittin’ the mean juice again!

    @ bagel – troublemaker? that’s the nicest thing i’ve been called in some time! Thanks!

    @ dan – thanks for having the contest! I hope my dreams come true. =)

  9. It’s True - SEO Hack Screwed Yet Again! « The Worst SEO Blog Ever! Says:

    […] thirst and the need to keep my gin, urine and toe nail clippings in a nice, cool place?  But with Comrade JDog’s prodding, I went forth, hoping my need and desire would net me the awesomest of awesome – a Google […]

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