It Ain’t Easy Being Awesome

So I take a little time off and while gone, JDog nominated yours truly for an award. A prestigious award! Humbled (well, as humble as someone as awesome as me can be), I hoped for the recognition I so truly deserved. Afterall, five people can’t be wrong, can they? Hell no! Especially considering they’re the smartest people of all the interweb! Confident, I started working on an acceptance speech. I figured I’d better have the damn thing ready for my triumphant return.

As it turns out, I got screwed. Thanks to Comrade Syzlak’s vigilance, the slight didn’t go unnoticed. Almost immediately his audience of 20 jumped into the fray, supporting him and the cause (the cause being SEO Hack got screwed!). Well, it wasn’t as much support as it was people stopping by and discussing the best way to slash ones wrists. At any rate, the nomination and the post got me to thinking about a couple of things:

1. If someone complains about your submission to a contest being fucked, count on getting some sort of token icon thingy you can stick on your blog.

2. Syzlak is wasteful. Why use X-acto knives when a broken beer bottle will do? It’s not like you’ve got to worry about an infection at that point.

3. My best bet at getting any sort of recognition will be to scrub the gold plated, diamond encrusted toilets that the fat cats at SEOmoz use. Rebecca, can you help a fucker out with a job?

4. Having a judge from one of the blogs with three nominations does not in any way lend itself to any sort of conflicts of interest, even if one of these judges is sleeping with one of the contestants. Or at least I assume they’re sleeping together. I have a feeling this observation might have just torpedoed my chances at a job cleaning those golden shitters up in Seattle.

5. Mike Blumenthal must be underpaid and underappreciated. Someone needs to get that cat a raise and a high five.

6. While I might not have the respect of my industry, I do have the respect of JDog and Syzlak. And that’s probably a stretch. I at least hope they can pool bail money.

7. At least I still have my good looks.

Like I said, it ain’t easy being awesome. You’re often ignored and laughed at until you die. And then you’re just ignored and laughed at some more, especially if someone recorded it and put it up on the YouTube. I mean, assuming your death is something funny, like dying by swirly or anything to do with the toilet. You ever notice that? Like Elvis – died on the shitter. Hilarious.

At any rate, the point is I’m awesome. I may not get an award, but I don’t need one. Pure awesomeness is its own reward. And as we know, I am the human embodiment of pure awesomeness.