This actually covers two weeks. You might be thinking that maybe there should then be 14 things I learned? Not likely. You obviously have forgotten what a lazy prick I am.
1. Not only am I associated with “poop porn”, I’m apparently found for “todd friesen stripper”. Is there something we don’t know about the Oilman?
2. Hippies and the Taliban have something in common! Lucky for us, it’s just nappy hair and a fear of the shower and the shave.
3. Dr. Drew has a firm grasp on the obvious. His next “amazing” revelation was Britney Spears was also a poor mother and K-Fed was a douchebag. Wow, Dr. Drew. Glad to see you’re getting the most out of the medical degree thingy hanging on your wall. What’s next, the sky is blue?
4. There are some people almost as fucking crazy as those Scientology people. There’s a reason I don’t go to foreign places – the foreigners.
5. My life makes sense. This whole time I just thought I was kicking ass.
6. Syzlak is going to be an awful mother. But at least he’s a damn fine geeeeetar player.
7. The more I read, the more I learn I really might be wrong about squirrels. But they are cute little bastards when they’ve been drinking. After all the bad press, I thought squirrels would’ve been mean drunks. But apparently they’re just a little clumsy. And honestly, aren’t we all. Aren’t we?