Sunday Search Funness!!!

Wow.

Apparently, the perverts are figuring out what this blog is actually about or the geniuses at Google have finally added some sort of relevance filter into their algo and discovered *gasp* that the Worst SEO Blog Ever! isn’t actually about “poop porn” (at this time, it’s sitting at position 7 =( ).

However, looking at the search stats provided by WordPress for last Sunday, it appears that this shit hole is starting to get found for some SEO-relevant keywords as well. Here’s what I saw:

Yesterday (11/25/2007)
Search Views
poop porn 4
dan sullivan sucks dick 1
porno poop 1
assholes 1
drinking piss from asshole 1
vanessa fox ass shots 1

Seeing these various search terms got me to thinking, “What or who is using those search terms to find this place?” As a result, I came up with a term by term analysis (hehehehe, you ever notice you can’t spell “analysis” without “anal”?) of the kind of person is searching for this phrase or who specifically is searching for this term! Sound like fun? Then let’s play the game!

poop porn – I’m guessing these four people are male, live with mom and like some of the stuff found on Sticky Butter (something very disturbing and very specific that is on that site). These people are either clicking on this page and using it as a “beard” to keep their sicko fetish under wraps or get very pissed off when they discover that there are no picture or movies of “pooping” or “porn” and instead see there is only “bullshit”.

dan sullivan sucks dick – The kind of person that would search this is either envious of Mr. Sullivan’s success and impact in the search industry or believes that Mr. Sullivan is some sort of evil genius that is using all of us like little pawns to make himself wealthy while spreading mis-information and making “black hat SEO” tactics palatable and accepted to search marketers and optimizers. There’s only one person that fits that profile that I can think of – Dougie Heil.

porno poop – This poor bastard was one of the four other searchers that searched for “poop porn”. Like the others, he was disappointed and performed another search. Unlike the others, he was dumb enough to click on the listing for this place showing in the SERPs. Fucking idiot.

assholes – This one is easy. It’s my father trying to figure out what my brother and I were doing for Thanksgiving and why we weren’t at his house and why we didn’t call.

drinking piss from asshole – This one is tough. I suspect it’s male. However, I also suspect this person isn’t like the “poop porn” boys and may be trying to see what bizarre shit turns them on instead of knowing already how sick he is. I also suspect this pervo is from the “don’t be judgemental” camp. If not, it’s someone who’s looked at so much porn online that they’ve become desensitized to the most random, bizarre shit that can be found online.

vanessa fox ass shots – Okay, first off, Ms. Fox, I apologize that some sick fuck thought they could find these pics of you on this site. With that, on to the analysis. Apparently, this person is in the search industry and familiar with Vanessa Fox and is perhaps a VFFB. Next, I’m assuming this person is male, and probably in his forties if not fifties. I’m also assuming this person has a crush on Ms. Fox and may troll in her comments occasionally. So, using those clues and a little speculation, without a doubt I’m guessing this was Doug Heil again.

So there you have it. If you ever need any help deciphering the kind of person that’s using weird-ass search terms to find your site, you know who to turn to.

6 Responses to “Sunday Search Funness!!!”

  1. JDog Says:

    The Asshole one was the best!

  2. The Bagel of Everything Says:

    If you don’t wanna be found for “poop porn”, you should prolly stop using the term. But what do I know, I’m not an SEO.

  3. seohack Says:

    @ JDog – thanks! and I still haven’t called him back yet.

    @ Bagel – hey! who’s SEO blog have you been reading???!?!?!!

    I like ranking for poop porn, if anything because it shows me that either people like searching for poop porn or that I like to think I’m pissing some pervo off out there.

  4. Melanie Phung Says:

    I’m doing my part to make sure you keep getting found for poop porn!

  5. seohack Says:

    so you’re the one who keeps visiting this post!đŸ™‚ Thank you for your support!

  6. 7 Things I Learned On The Interweb This Week « The Worst SEO Blog Ever! Says:

    […] SEO Blog Ever! is still getting a, er, buttload of traffic (well, it’s a lot for me!) from poop porn related keywords. And hell, I even gave out some great link building advice! Go […]

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