Archive for November 16th, 2007

7 Things I Learned on the Interweb This Week

November 16, 2007

1. There’s someone for everybody.

2. Scientologists are weird motherfuckers. And not just because of the Xenu story.

3. Though they sound very similar, apparently shotacon and Chaka Kahn are in no way related to one another. Good to know.

4. The interweb is a cruel son of a bitch. Iomega may want to chew some ass . . . .

5. I am AWESOME. Guess who’s ranking #2 in Google for “poop porn”?

6. Syzlak needs a hug.

7. Perhaps I was wrong about everybody loving squirrels.

Vanessa Fox Leaves Zillow. Syzlak Gets a Hair Cut. Life Goes On.

November 16, 2007

No really, he did.

Everybody’s favorite former Google girl is on the move again, though she is staying in Seattle. Unlike last time when she told the big G to get bent (okay, she didn’t, but it’s fun to pretend she did, isn’t it?), my computer isn’t telling me to piss up a tree and I can actually follow the action! Okay, so there isn’t much action either. But those are small details. Really small, insignificant details. So small you can’t consider it lying. At any rate, it was nice to actually get to read it instead of hear all about it second hand from everybody’s favorite SEM guy.

As I read her post, I began to wonder what this meant for the search community. Then, just like all good assholes, I said to myself, “Fuck the search community! What’s this mean for me?!?!?” Oh, and don’t get all high and mighty and act like you’re all selfless and junk. You know you did the same damn thing.

So, without any further hesitation, here’s what jumped to mind:

1. In her post, she promised to write more. Thank goodness. I was thinking I was gonna’ have to start becoming a Rebecca Kelley fan boy.

2. Will I get to see more Dougie Heil trolling around in her blog? More writing means I just might!

3. Unfortunately, more Buffy the Vampire Slayer at conferences. But a bastard can still hope that it may mean more Princess Bride. Don’t take away this bastard’s dreams!

4. VFFB’s and other associated SEO geekboys will now have something to bug Ms. Fox about. All those veiled attempts to talk real estate never worked anyways.

5. Google fanboys and girls will have to continue fantasizing about Matt Cutts in a thong bikini under that Google t-shirt and jean set. I don’t know what it has to do with me, but it did cross my mind. I suspect some of these people were secretly hoping Vanessa would go back to Google and it would be like Mom and Dad getting back together again. But it ain’t. Dad’s still lonely, drunk, angry and looking for love in all the wrong places while Mom has found a guy five years younger that rides a motorcycle and the kiddos are constantly conspiring to get the two back together ala Haley Mills in the Parent Trap. You’re living in the past!!!!! Give up the dream!!!!! It’s all your fault!!!!! Aren’t you happy for Mom? Well, aren’t you, you inconsiderate little shits?

6. Hmm. Carne asada burrito or spicy pork tacos?

7. New domain for = pain in my ass. Memorizing stuff sucks.

At any rate, good luck at the new place, Vanessa. We all look forward to seeing more writing and stuff. 😉