7 Things I Learned on the Interweb This Week

1. Google isn’t evil, just a little racist.

2. Things aren’t always as they seem. And you can buy sex toys on Amazon! Just don’t mistake it for a dog toy and vice-versa.

3. Someone bought a Golden Doodle. What’s a Golden Doodle, you ask? It’s a fucking mutt. Nothing special, other than a fucking Golden Retriever got it on with a goddamm poodle. They’re just fucking mutts, people!!!!!! And you paid too much for it if you’re calling it some goddamm cutsified yuppie name like a Golden fucking Doodle!!!!!!

4. Fabio’s gonna’ take Clooney down to pain town!!!!! I have to admit, I’m a bit torn on this. I think George Clooney is a total douchebag you gets off on looking at himself in the mirror. Seriously. And after watching a full season of Mr. Romance, he seems able to not take hisself so seriously, unlike that douchebag Clooney. While I would be inclined to want Fabio to beat the holy living piss out of Clooney (really, wouldn’t be funny if Georgy couldn’t get any more work because the I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-Not-Butter Man busted his face?), what George did is something that I would do. Actually, there’s a reason I’m always holding the camera, a photo album of family pictures with me giving the camera the bird. As a result, I’m torn. Do I root for Fabio, the enemy of my enemy? Or Clooney, because apparently we have something in common (well, two things, being known for being uber-handsome and enjoying flipping off cameras)?

5. Mr. Jefferson was gay?!?!?!!?! And in gay porn movies?!?!?!!??!?!!? I luv da interwebs!

6. If you think Google is evil, at least they didn’t turn states evidence for China. Way to go, Yang & Co.

7. There’s a reason I love squirrels! And honestly, who doesn’t?

5 Responses to “7 Things I Learned on the Interweb This Week”

  1. The Bagel of Everything Says:

    I hate squirrels. They are evil. Really long story, so just believe me when I say squirrels are evil.

    Once when I went on vacation, a rat somehow got into my house. It was enormous! There was no way he could have gotten in at his size. There were scratch marks on the carpet and chimney, showing he’d tried to get out but couldn’t.
    We figured he’d been small when he’d found his way through some crack, and feasted on the 50# bag of high-end dog food, along with the people food in the pantry, until he’d grown into some giant freakazoid rat monster.
    My cat, who had been away with me, is normally a mouse-seeking missile. She was terrified of the rat monster!

    I left traps out for him, but I had to go away again, so I just prayed he wouldn’t destroy my house. When I came back again, he was dead on the kitchen floor. I think he had a heartattack.

    There’s a lesson here: Squirrels are evil, giant rats are scary.

  2. pnisbet Says:

    Squirrels are tree rats, and horrible evil little shits that get in your attic and eat your electric cables without electrocuting themselves. I am plagued by the little shitty rodents and anybody who likes them must be weird – except my kids who stopped me feeding them poisoned apples.

    Now I must feed the fucking squirrels! Life sucks!

  3. ProBlogReviews Says:

    I’m still laughing, I like this site,keep up the great work

  4. Steve Says:

    That is a great post. Very funny.

  5. 7 Things I Learned on the Interweb This Week « The Worst SEO Blog Ever! Says:

    […] 7. Perhaps I was wrong about everybody loving squirrels. […]

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