7 Things I Learned on the Interweb This Week

1. Google isn’t evil, just a little racist.

2. Things aren’t always as they seem. And you can buy sex toys on Amazon! Just don’t mistake it for a dog toy and vice-versa.

3. Someone bought a Golden Doodle. What’s a Golden Doodle, you ask? It’s a fucking mutt. Nothing special, other than a fucking Golden Retriever got it on with a goddamm poodle. They’re just fucking mutts, people!!!!!! And you paid too much for it if you’re calling it some goddamm cutsified yuppie name like a Golden fucking Doodle!!!!!!

4. Fabio’s gonna’ take Clooney down to pain town!!!!! I have to admit, I’m a bit torn on this. I think George Clooney is a total douchebag you gets off on looking at himself in the mirror. Seriously. And after watching a full season of Mr. Romance, he seems able to not take hisself so seriously, unlike that douchebag Clooney. While I would be inclined to want Fabio to beat the holy living piss out of Clooney (really, wouldn’t be funny if Georgy couldn’t get any more work because the I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-Not-Butter Man busted his face?), what George did is something that I would do. Actually, there’s a reason I’m always holding the camera, a photo album of family pictures with me giving the camera the bird. As a result, I’m torn. Do I root for Fabio, the enemy of my enemy? Or Clooney, because apparently we have something in common (well, two things, being known for being uber-handsome and enjoying flipping off cameras)?

5. Mr. Jefferson was gay?!?!?!!?! And in gay porn movies?!?!?!!??!?!!? I luv da interwebs!

6. If you think Google is evil, at least they didn’t turn states evidence for China. Way to go, Yang & Co.

7. There’s a reason I love squirrels! And honestly, who doesn’t?