7 Things I Learned on the Interweb This Week

1. We all knew he was a sub-par artist. I wonder if Hitler also wrote crappy poetry and cut himself?

2. What does Kid Rock like as much as kicking ass? Waffles! And damn good waffles at that. Looks like me and Kid got more in common than I thought – though I’m usually the one getting my ass beat, not the other way around.

3. Some people need to get a life and/or job. Or at the very least, get a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend if he swings that way – I don’t really care. Go to Syzlak’s pad and play along!

4. Apparently, a fictional character from a series of children’s books is gay. First, why does this matter? Second, who gives a shit? Really? Someone does? I’ll be damned.

5. People with tazers tend to be assholes.

6. The most important lesson about the internet can be learned from Home Movies. God bless you, TV. Is there anything I can’t learn from you?

7. A mustache not a manly man make. Really. More than anything a bad mustache can call into question your manhood and compensating for it. Just shave that fucking thing off. SHAVE IT! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHAVE THAT FUCKING NASTY LITTLE THING OFF YOUR LIP!!! WE REALIZE YOU’RE MORE MASCULINE THAN THE MANNISH CAMERON DIAZ!!!!!! And that woman you’re “dating”?  Her head is too big for her body.  Makes her look like a human matchstick.