7 Things I Learned on the Interweb This Week

1. Hipsters are making their kids look like hipster douchebags begetting little hipsters! Normally, I would have some sort of call to action to beat the hell out of these people. After all, it’s bad enough cheap beer is an accessory for these douchebags and we’ve all been tortured by listening to them try to out “have you heard of . . . . ” each other at some dive bar, but to bring their kids into it??!?!?!??!?!?! However, the revenge will be sweeter yet. What little Sid and baby Nancy want is to rebel against ma and pa. Their revenge? Disney. American Idol. Nike. Gun ownership. Voting Republican. Take that, mom and dad!

2. According to the WordPress stats thingy, I was found twice on October 7th for the phrase “the craziest porno ever” and once for “pooping porn”. Yay for me! And all you all are sickos.

3. Ration Reality found the gift that keeps on givin’. I’d hate to be the poor bastard that puts these gift baskets together.

4. Either this kid’s grandma needs to remember to feed the little bugger or there’s something about Applebee’s that I am totally unaware of.

5. Ralph Whittington has the most understanding mother EVER.

6. The Scottish are drinking less.

7. Apparenlty, Michael Gray, aka graywolf, doesn’t have the sense of humor I thought he had. Not only did he pull my thread on Sphinn, he didn’t even message me even though he looked at my goddamm profile! Sheesh. I’d’ve thought the guy who compared Matt Cutts to a clown in San Jose and regularly puts up linkbait titles would’ve understood the satire in the midst of the devolution of Sphinn into an anti-SEOmoz mouthpiece. For the record, as far as I know, Rand Fishkin does not wear a kitten-skin jacket nor does he eat babies. For the slow people in the audience, that was a JOKE. Please don’t petition WordPress to shut down this blog. I repeat, very slowly, IT WAS A JOKE. Perhaps a very poorly conceived one, but a crappy one none the less. It’s not like I’m Dave fucking Chappell. Now that guy is fucking hilarious! Did you see his bit about the baby selling weed in the hood? That was one of the funniest damn things I’ve ever seen!

IMO – Damian Novak at TheSEOBiz.com Is A Moron

So, this whole “work” thing has reared its ugly head again. But when I finally got a chance to check this thing out and maybe even write a new post I got a surprise. People were really really liking some of this junk! I mean, 18 comments. Holy Toledo! Whoohooo!

Turns out that my “new fan base” was actually just one friggin’ idiot, or perhaps a team of idiots, at TheSEOBiz.com. In my professional opinion, I’m leaning towards a lone dickweed here.  Thanks for getting my hopes up, jerk.

So apparently, this guy is a fucking moron. Seriously. If he knows jack shit about SEO, then he knows that comment links are nofollowed. But apparently, this guy couldn’t even pull his head out of his ass long enough to take a breath let alone check one of the links out. What a putz. Seriously, when this guy was born, did his mom shit him out in the crapper and not get him out in time to make sure he got oxygen to his brain?

Okay, next issue – who the hell still spams comments to get a fucking link? Furthermore, what kind of fucking inbred shit for brains spams the comments of the same blog to get a link? And then, what kind of knuckle-dragging, social retard spams the same post over ten times to get a fucking link? Are you kidding me? Seriously? You’re that dumb? Did you have a big bowl of DUUUUUUHHHHHHH!!!!!! for breakfast?

I could just erase all those posts and go along my merry way. I’ll probably erase the links, but there’s no way I’m gonna’ erase those comments. They are a testament to dipshittedness to a degree unseen by man to date. Congrats, Mr. Novak, congrats!