Dear UK, A Modest Proposal

And I’m not talking about eating Irish children.  At least not right now.  I have nothing against the Irish, and frankly, they look a bit tough and chewy.  Now, nice, suburban American kids that have been raised on sugar, starch and TV is gonna’ probably be more like veal.  Why the hell are we talking about eating children?

Anyways, tonight I was watching the BBC America on the TV and after sitting through a re-run of Top Gear (the one with the Tesla. If they’re gonna’ show re-runs all the time, why not the Vietnam episode more often?) followed by The In-Betweeners when it occured to me, all you all are more like us than those Euros.

No offense to mainland Europeans, but, c’mon Great Britain!  I mean, do you all really, I mean really feel like you have more in common with those people than us?  Sure, you like Europeans because they’re not Americans.  I get that.  But when you get down to it, we’re just the Onslow to your Hyacinth Bucket – you people are all fancy and junk while we’re, well, we’re not.  But like Hyacinth, you all don’t fit in with those fancy Euros either.  You may go to the fancy garden party, but in the end you leave with your dress soiled and pushing Onslow’s car.   And why?  In a really fucked up way, it’s because we’re family.  Plus, we only had a few decades of fighting with you, while the various incarnations of the United Kingdom has been fighting with various parts of mainland Europe for centuries.  I mean, hell, you all burned down our White House and we still wept for your Princess Diana.  Can you say the same about the French or the Lithuanians?

If you think about it, we’re the way we are because of you all.  Who were the pilgrims? Some crazy religious people you chased over here.  And then after a while you sent some criminals, soccer football hooligans, capitalists and other ne’er do wells and before long, BAM! we have the United States of America.  When you get down to it, what you don’t like about America is really a reflection of what you didn’t like about yourself and tried to ship off.  And I can’t imagine what that says about Australia.

So, how about it?  You give the European Union the finger, and come hang out with us and maybe we’ll start a club with Canada, Ireland, Australia and New Zealand?  For starters, we all talk the same, which will cut down on the need for translators.  And you can get back to doing what you do best – have fancy dinner parties with New Zealand  while we drink beer and watch horse racing with Ireland and Australia.  And I have no idea what Canada is doing over there in the corner.

8 Responses to “Dear UK, A Modest Proposal”

  1. Brad Says:

    Man they gave us the Puritans. Even the uber-tolerant Dutch couldn’t stand the damn Puritans.

    But yeah, I like your idea, let’s unify all the English speaking countries that have indoor running water, together and rock.

  2. Seo Fleet Says:

    Hi
    This is nice post.you did good job.you add lot of good and useful info in your post
    Thanks for this info..

  3. drmimi Says:

    Hmm. Puritans, the name just screams of disease. Really I think that was just no fun at all. Oh well, I think the horse racing and beer sounds nice!

  4. Bradley Holton Says:

    Some praiseworthy articles has been submitted here. The endeavor to provide encouragement to perform at your best is appreciable. I found a great site for SEO Services and Pc Repair at http://bradholton.net

    Regards,
    Bradley Holton.

  5. sam Says:

    that’s great!

  6. Alyssa Says:

    Great source of information…..Keep Continue

    Thanks

  7. Stella Says:

    Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It actually used to be a amusement account it.
    Glance advanced to far delivered agreeable from you! However, how
    can we communicate?

  8. http://jasió.pl/nowosci/siatka-lesna Says:

    Panele ogrodzeniowe są wyjątkowo skutecznym rozwiązaniem gdy chodzi o montarz odpowiedniego dla Nas sposobu grodzeń, jest skuteczny zarówno
    na terenie prywatnych działek, jak i przy najzwyklejszym ogrodzeniu pól uprawnych oraz lasów.
    Zstosowaniepaneli ogrodzeniowych daje zabezpieczenie przez amatorami cudzej
    własności. Główną cechą chzakterystyczną jest duża funkcjonalność.
    Najbardziej wartościową storną takiego rozwiąznia, jest też jego efektywność
    oraz łatwy montarz. Polecam.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: