Alright, so after a year of spotty updating, being lazy and plain ol’ fuck all, it seemed like this was another educational week. You’d think this would be a bit like a bicycle or something – you know, easy to fall of or something. Anyways, there were some things that seemed like easy homeruns. But were they? Oh hell no. I mean, Li’l Krazy Kim pushes the reset button on North Korean currency and I got nothin’. Then there’s a punchline in this whole dynamite packing elf and mall santa story, but I just can’t find it. I mean, that guy’s mugshot is straight up squirrels juggling knives and as I stare into those crazy-ass eyes, I still get nothing. Nada. And it seems like the motherfucking thing writes itself!
So, anyways, as usual, prepare to be disappointed.
1. It’s good to be rich and famous. Except for that whole wife beating the shit out of you thing when she learns that you’ve been fucking around on her.
2. I’m glad I’m not a chick. I mean, seriously, 85% of all women will be miserable? And they still can’t pee on tires? Mother Nature has a fucked up sense of humor.
3. Old people ruin everything. And by old I mean everyone over 24 years old. Yeah, that likely means you. Because, you know, some college kid has more money to spend on stupid shit than you do, you working slob (thanks, mom and dad?).
6. Nothing says “creepy as fuck” like digging up your dead wife, making a clay body for her corpse and then sleeping with it. Except maybe digging a hole next to her grave in the cemetary and sleeping next to said dead wife. Sweet, but totally fucking creepy.
And there you have it. Have a totally fucked rainbows and unicorns weekend!