British Company Stalks Children, Does SEO

I wish I could take credit for finding this, but all credit goes to Mr. Davies at seoTunes.  In his post, he found some jackasses that decided to name their company Web Predators.

Yes.  For realsies.  Follow the link on his site.

Now, I realize (that’s realise for our British friends!) that sometime words over there mean different things over here.  For example, saying some chick is full of spunk might get a few giggles from our British counterparts where over here in the US we’d just think the girl was spirited.  Anyways, since this was pointed out by our man in Manchester, I don’t think this is a difference between American English and, er, English English.

I imagine their name-deciding meeting went something like this:

workerman: Allowe guvnuh!

bossman: Allowe, Wembley.  ‘Ou finished stuffin’ those title tags, eh?

workerman: Aye, Mr. Winston Churchhill, aye am.  An’ aye ‘ad me a wee bit uv an ideer.  We need to give this company a name, no?  Ow bout sumtin’ a wee dangerous soundin’.  Sumtin’ that’s a bit edgy . . . .

bossman: A’aight.  Go on then.

workerman: A’aight then, Mr. Winston Churchill.  Aye uz tinkin’ sumtin’ along the lines of Web Predator.  Sounds a bit vicious, eh?

bossman:  Aye, it does, Mr. Wembley.  Aye, it does.  But don’t ‘ou worry it might sound like we’re pedophiles?  Like we bugger wee ones?

workerman:  Aye, I suppose it does, Mr. Winston Churchill.  A’aight, then.  We’ll put a shark in the logo.  No one will mistake a shark for un of ‘em pederphiles.

bossman:  Done and done then.  Good work, Mr. Wembley.  Now let’s ‘ave us a spot of tea!

Anyways, that’s how I imagined it went.  But the point has less to do with my poorly done British accent and general lack of knowledge of all things English and more to do with that if you’re going to run a business, either online or off, think about your fucking name!!!   I realize there are some in the search industry that view SEO not as marketing but as the implementation of tactics to associate keywords with pages and getting those pages indexed.  Who fucking cares?!?!?!?!?!  You pick a shitty name, they’re gonna’ think you go online trolling for children to rape!  It doesn’t matter if you don’t see yourself as a marketer – and by picking a horrible name like “Web Predator” it proves you aren’t one.

Again, thank you, Mr. Davies, for the laugh.  And thank you to the Web Predator team (webpredator.co.uk) for doing whatever it is you’re doing.

12 Responses to “British Company Stalks Children, Does SEO”

  1. Rebecca Kelley Says:

    I must say, the imagined British conversation was pretty rad.

  2. seohack Says:

    thanks, Rebecca! though, i forgot to throw something in their about cricket and the queen. i’ll have to remember that for next time.

  3. Rebecca Kelley Says:

    And crumpets. But oh well, fodder for next time, right?

  4. seohack Says:

    dammit! crumpets!!! how come i didn’t think of those?!?!?!?!?! I s’pose you’re right, i’ll have to use them next time.

  5. Matt Davies Says:

    Hahaha, loving it.

    I’m not sure how much of an Americanism it is, I could have picked up on it could be ‘cos I’d seen that Dateline stuff before here. Still, you’d think they’d have typed the name into Google before deciding on it. You know, just in case it turned out to be a buzzword for child molestor.

  6. Time travelers? Says:

    […] as size, or space; there’s no order, no disorder, no math, no future, no past, no present, no God-awful English accents. There’s only the motion of the […]

  7. ANONYMOUS DEAD RAPPER Says:

    AM I STILL RELEVANT?

  8. The Bagel of Everything Says:

    All Brits talk like Sherlock Holmes. It’s in the bible.

    Also, you forgot fanny.
    It’s the urm..uh… other side, in Englishland.

  9. Liz Jamieson Says:

    But your blog is called the worst seo blog ever . . . but I guess that’s just supposed to be ironic.

  10. seohack Says:

    @ ADR – no, you’re not.

    @ bagel – thanks for the input. i knew i should’ve went to church!

    @ Liz – hey, you’re blog has nothing to do with Satchurday!!! what the hell are you trying to pull here?!!?!!? or are you saying that this is actually the BEST SEO blog ever and you’re learning stuff? =) Well, I’m glad I can help you out with your career. You are welcome. =)

  11. Liz Jamieson Says:

    One day, if I get around to reading your blog in its entirety, it may teach me something. Never say never and all that. But how do you know my blog has nothing to do with a Big Satchurday? How very dare you!

  12. michael streko Says:

    ummmm….

    RKFB FTW!!!!!

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